


In My Head

by LittleSixx



Series: Touch [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Background Milah (Once Upon a Time), F/M, Lieutenant Killian Jones, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Prince "Charming" James | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Parent Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Parents Prince "Charming" James | David Nolan & Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Princess Emma Swan, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Young Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Young Emma Swan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 15:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5296769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSixx/pseuds/LittleSixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The royal line of Misthaven is always established through a soul bond. Any unnatural impression on one's skin appears on their soulmate as well. For the first time in nearly twenty years, Emma Swan can't rescue herself. Can someone as damaged as her soulmate possibly be up to the task?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> See the companion work in this series for the story from Killian's POV.
> 
> I do not have a beta, so please ignore grammatical errors, typos, and the like.

**Prologue**

A queen rarely has time alone, and Snow used that time to paint her nails. It was relaxing, feminine, and (most importantly) quiet. Sometimes Princess Emma would sit in her mother’s lap, but even at age five she knew the importance of quiet time. Sometimes, Snow would sing and birds would perch on the windowsill to listen.

She’d chosen a light lavender, and Emma oohed,

“So pretty!” Snow smiled as she let her nails dry. Minutes later, King David walked through the door and grinned.

“How are my best girls?” He knelt to hug Emma then kissed Snow. From birth, Emma knew what true love looked like. Her dad always kissed her mother like he was afraid she would forget him. Kissed her so in every realm known to man, Snow and Charming would be together.

Then, Princess Emma noticed his nails.

“Daddy’s is purple, too!” Snow and Charming laughed. The queen said,

“Yes, Emma. Because I love him very much.” She looked up at Charming, who nodded and picked Emma up. “One day, you’re going to find a man who loves you so much his fingernails will change colour, too.”

“Like a rainbow?” Emma asked excitedly.

“Exactly like a rainbow, nugget,” King David laughed. Emma snuggled into his chest and sighed,

“My rainbow.”

.oOo.

“What’s the point of having magical powers if they can’t heal a headache?” Princess Emma complained. Queen Snow sent Emma’s handmaiden Mallory, to the kitchens for some hot chocolate. Emma curled into the comfy chair in her mother’s study, closed her eyes, and didn’t open them until Mallory returned with a steaming cup of cocoa.

“Whipped cream and cinnamon. Mallory, you’re the best,” Emma said as she took a sip. “You’re dismissed,” Emma said, downing more than she should in one gulp. It scalded her throat and temporarily took her concentration away from the pounding in her head.

“Mom?”

“Yes, Emma?” Queen Snow looked up from her desk.

“What if I never meet my soulmate?”

“You’ll find him.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Princess Emma asked. Queen Snow sighed.

“You don’t even know when you meet that you are compatible. The soul bond only preys on feelings that are already there. When you meet, you may not know it, but you’re very much attracted to each other. Give it time.”

“Do I have permission to hit him over the head with a rock?”

“That’s how all the best love stories begin!” Queen Snow laughed. “But you’ll like him, Emma. I know it. I’m sure he’ll be strong and gorgeous and …”

“And not Neal. You can say it, Mom.”

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t see it earlier, Emma,” Queen Snow said quietly.

“It’s my fault, no one else’s,” Emma said adamantly. “It’d be easy to blame anyone besides myself, but it’s fine.” Then she departed for her bedroom.

.oOo.

Neal had left almost a year earlier, on Emma’s nineteenth birthday. Thinking of him still hurt. Sometimes physically, like a headache, but other times it was a burn in her veins. What was magic, what kind of stars were high enough to plot out her future? Neal may have given her a nice life. _Nice_ , but, she conceded, _mundane_. _Adequate_. Finally, _not fit for a princess_.

Everything in her bedchamber had been touched by Neal. Her bed, of course, but it was the little things that held such mundane but potent memories. The bottom drawer of her armoire where Neal kept spare clothes. The lamp on her nightstand, which they bought while undercover at the local market. The seashell on her vanity from their venture to a far-off realm of mermaids. Neal even picked out the frame for the small portrait of her parents that sat on her bedside table.

Emma would look at her parents and think it impossible for anyone to love her so wholly as Queen Snow and King David adored each other. They said that’s what soul bond magic did—it brought you to the one person who would love you unlike anyone else could. Not only someone worth dying for, but someone worth surviving for.

Each day it became harder and harder to wait for her soulmate. She wanted to see Neal again, wanted to prove she’d be better without him. Emma could feel it in her blood, the desire to make either one of them appear. But it was clouded with bitterness, like if she could see Neal again, she’d slit his throat.

 _What? No. That’s not me_.

Emma tried to push those dark thoughts away, but they wouldn’t leave. It was like they wrapped her mind in sin because all she wanted was the darkness. The more she resisted, the more it pulled, until a white mist clouded her eyes.

Emma couldn’t see anything.

She couldn’t control anything.

She became a spectator to her own body.

Everything was white, but she could feel what she was doing. She felt herself open her bedroom door and begin walking down the stairs. She felt herself pressing against the wall, then ducking into a spre room. Emma snuck out of the castle as she’d done so many times before. While she couldn’t see where she was going, dodging castle guards and hiding in shadows was muscle memory. When she hit the castle grounds, her legs broke into a run.

It was the strangest inner-body experience. She kept running for hours. Her legs slowed, then stopped, her body leaned against a tree. It was so impatient, annoyed with her need to breathe. While she thought _Stop, what am I doing?_ The darkness insisted, _We need to go. Go. Go!_

Hours more she ran until she couldn’t run. Then she walked with no idea where she was being taken. This curse guided her through the forest to, apparently, nowhere.

Then she could see.

It was early morning. The tips of trees were cast in pink light, and Emma keeled over, ready to collapse. Wherever she was, it was surrounded by forest, but it was a peaceful lake. She was heaving, but the darkness was gone. She pulled herself to the edge of the water, cupped her hands, and drank. She sipped even as the water began to bubble at its centre. Princess Emma glanced up, then stared.

A siren. It was beautiful, of course. Unnaturally long, jet-black hair curled at the bottom, and her eyes sparkled green, though Emma suspected they hid a deep red. Emma let the water fall from her hands and braced herself at the edge.

“I know this … I know this place. My father told me a story about it. Lake Nostos.” She looked around and followed up with, “Why am I here?”

“I’ve never had a princess before …” It said, “But I was expecting you.”

“You were expecting me?” She asked. Emma looked up and stumbled backward in shock. Standing in the water only feet from her, was Neal Cassidy.

“I’d say your guardian angel’s doing a pretty crappy job, Emma.” She was stunned into silence. “I know you miss me. Why else would you wear the necklace I got you?” Emma touched the circular pendant on her chest.

“To remind myself never to trust someone again,” Princess Emma said, finding her voice.

“I only left because you said no. You wanted me to leave,” The siren (Neal) commented. Emma shouted,

“You wanted to ruin me!” And lunged at him. Which was, evidently, exactly what it wanted. When Princess Emma pushed Neal into the water, it was no longer Neal. The siren bared its pointed teeth and grabbed Emma by the throat. It pulled her down, down, so far into the lake Emma was about to lose all her breath when it pulled her into what looked like a cave.

Emma gasped for air.

“What the hell? What is happening to me?” The siren just grabbed at her left arm, which was covered in her name. Written in varying sizes in shining purple was, “EMMA EMMA EMMA EMMA EMMA EMMA” over and over. Emma’s eyes widened and the siren smiled,

“He’ll be coming to get you, now. I’ll bet he’s dashing. Charming … Oh, I love those. Can’t wait to get inside that head.”

“I’m … He’s … I have a soulmate?” The princess asked. Her predicament was completely forgotten as she raced to imagine who he was—what he sounded like. Would he be anything like Neal?

The siren grabbed Emma’s left arm. They looked down at a tattoo of a sword through a heart with a banner reading, “Milah.” The siren smiled devilishly,

“The question is whether he’s ready for you.”

The realization she had a soulmate and he may be in love with someone else, once again stunned Emma into silence. She was physically and emotionally exhausted and fell asleep immediately upon resting her head against the damp cave wall.

.oOo.

Princess Emma awoke hours later to a tingling sensation in her left arm. More writing had appeared.

_Where are you?_

The first communication from the man she was expected to marry. Her head began to pound again and she thought,

_Who are you?_

And it appeared on her arm. Soon after, more of his writing appeared.

 _Specifics later, love_.

Love? Pet names already? That was a bit presumptuous.

 _Please tell me where you are_.

Princess Emma sighed, too exhausted to reply with much of anything other than,

 _Lake Nostos_.


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a beta, so please ignore any grammar / spelling errors.

The next thing Emma knew, she was being pulled above water, a gag in her mouth, her hands and ankles bound. The siren had one arm around Emma’s waist and held a dagger to her throat. She forced her eyes open and took in the man near the shore.

He was undoubtedly good-looking. There was a discarded uniform jacket on the sand, so he must be in the navy. Princess Emma couldn’t make out much else about him, except his blue eyes, which were so bright if she looked long enough Emma figured she could find the sun.

“What’s your name?” The siren asked him.

“Don’t play games, you already know it,” The young man laughed. Princess Emma admired the sass.

“Yes, Lieutenant,” The siren teased. “Would you like to know mine?”

“No, I’d like for you to take your hands off the princess.” _Same._

“Mmm, he is a dashing one, isn’t he?” The siren whispered in her ear. Emma silently agreed. “I told you he would be, but is he as brave as you need him to be?” Emma tried to shout over the gag in her mouth to no avail. “I suppose we’ll have to see then, won’t we?”

“I will not fall prey to your deceptions demon. Now unhand her and we shall leave without any harm to your … Precious abode.”

“You believe yourself immune to me?” The siren asked.

“I know it.”

“Drop your sword. Drop your sword and scabbard toward the shore and I give you both the opportunity to leave.” Emma knew that was too good to be true, but the man was left with no option. He threw his sword to land. Emma rolled her eyes, then the arm around her shifted. The body holding her morphed into something … Something else. A man, from what she could see.

“Good little brother,” It said. _Little brother? Why would the siren turn into his brother?_ “Always a servant to the sea and its creatures.”

“I will not be tricked. You are not my brother!” The young man shouted, sounding more like he wanted to assure himself. The siren wasn’t buying into the charade.

“Oh, aren’t I?” The siren pressed the dagger tighter to Emma’s neck. She felt a nick, then blood ran down her throat. “I could be. You could come with me and see him again. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to be with your family, Lieutenant?”

“More than anything in the world,” The man admitted. Princess Emma admired that. Clearly his family was dead, otherwise the siren would not admit being his only option. She admired his loyalty.

“More than her?” The siren picked Emma up a bit, and the lieutenant shook his head.

“No. No, I’m a survivor, as is she. I can tell.”

“As am I.” The nameless man blinked as the form around Emma shifted again. The arm she could see became smaller, feminine.

“No.” The man looked as though he may faint. His face was absent of any colour. “You are an illusion,” He reminded himself aloud.

“Sometimes illusions are better than the truth, Killian,” The siren teased. _Killian. His name is Killian._ She began to struggle against her bonds, but the siren was uncannily strong.

“I can have it again. My bed’s not been idle these last years.” _Great, I’m destined to life with a whore._

“I’ve no doubt, but then, you had a good teacher.” _What?_

“She was a liar! You lied! What you did destroyed any innocence I had left!” The man shouted in a desperate anger. Emma stopped fidgeting because she recognized those words. They floated in her mind any time she thought of Neal. _How destructive first love can be._ Her thoughts were voiced as he continued,

“Any hope I once had for love is gone. Life has been one loss after the next but you—I didn’t just lose you, I lost me. The only thing I have left is my sense of honour and I shall not surrender it to you, siren or otherwise.”

“I can give you love. I can give it to you.” The siren removed the dagger from Emma’s throat. “All you have to do is kiss me.” She discarded Emma, then, flinging her to the side, but Emma got a good look at the siren. It had transformed into a woman probably in her late thirties. Dark brown hair and seafoam eyes that had Killian transfixed. That’s all she saw before her head was dragged below water.

Princess Emma tried desperately to free her hands, not wanting to open her mouth to spit out the fabric gagging her. As she sank lower, Emma kicked her bound legs, trying to keep close to the surface, but she was quickly running out of air. Just as she was about to lose hope, something fell into the water a few metres away.

It was the siren, wrapped in a veil of red. _He killed it!_ Emma felt a momentary surge of triumph, before a small stream of air bubbles escaped her mouth. Water began rushing in, soaking the fabric gag, choking her. She instinctively inhaled through her nose and water rushed into her throat as an arm wrapped around her, underneath her shoulders, and began to pull.

Princess Emma kicked as hard as she could in the direction the arm was pulling her. She couldn’t see much of anything. Finally, they surfaced. She looked at Killian, whose hair was plastered across his forehead and his eyes in a myriad of directions. Princess Emma retched over his shoulder and water came spewing (quite unattractively) out of her mouth. Killian sliced through the ropes tying her ankles and wrists before she opened her mouth so he could pull out the fabric gag. It was weirdly intimate, treading water with a stranger who’d just saved her life. Princess Emma didn’t care, she just sagged against his shoulder, too exhausted to do much else.

“I’m going to swim us to shore, alright? Just hold onto me, love.” That much, she could do. He swam them both to the water’s edge with ease. She scrambled onto the shore and grabbed for his sword as soon as he turned to find his uniform jacket. When he turned to look at her again, Princess Emma stood, pointing the sword at his throat.

“Who are you?” She demanded. He eyed her up and down a couple times, but Emma refused to wither under the scrutiny. Finally, he sighed.

“Sorry, love, could we not do this now? I’m a bit exhausted. That,” He weakly pointed to the lake, “That wasn’t exactly easy.” Hah. _Welcome to the club_.

“Maybe I don’t need answers. Maybe I just need to stab you in the throat,” Emma threatened, pressing the sword an inch closer to his neck.

“Didn’t peg you for murder on the first date, princess. Anyway, I prefer to do more enjoyable activities with a woman on top of me.” Killian was trying for passé and cute, Emma knew, but she wasn’t biting. He was hiding something, or he knew something.

“Are you him?” Emma caught herself asking.

“Who?”

“If you have to ask, you don’t know.”

“Alright, Swan. Is it alright if I call you that? Princess is a bit formal for me.” Emma didn’t respond. “Yes, it’s me. I’m him.”

“Prove it,” Emma demanded.

“I don’t—“

“Prove it!” She shouted.

“Alright, fine.” Killian sneered. There was no other word for his expression; it was a combination of pain, desperation, and annoyance. “The woman with the knife to your throat?” _The woman the siren impersonated._ “That was Milah.” Emma dropped the sword.

“You are him,” She whispered. Killian got to his feet and bowed.

“Lieutenant Killian Jones, your majesty.” Emma nodded and turned her back to him. She twisted her hair to get the excess water out, then ran her hands through it, trying to untangle it. An impossible task after running through a forest then being an underwater hostage. But she needed to do something. Killian offered her his uniform jacket and she wrapped it around her shoulders, nodding at him in thanks. She began to pace.

_Of course, he’s in love with someone else. Someone else who burned him. Of course I’d have to fall in love with someone as damaged as I am. I can’t believe this! The siren was right on one count, though. He is dashing. Probably more so in a uniform, but … He is very brave, coming here to rescue me. The honour of a soldier. Perhaps he knows more about loyalty than Neal. Then again, Neal was perfect until he found out I had magic. That’s when it all went to hell. Killian doesn’t know that yet._

“I need to hit something. I need to punch something. Something is going to feel pain,” Emma muttered to herself.

“You alright, Swan?” Killian asked, having dried off very little, if at all. His hair was still dripping.

“NO! No, I am not alright!” Emma pulled the jacket tighter around her shoulders, shielding herself, wanting to keep the darkness within her a secret. She was afraid of what may happen should Killian find out something was happening. Neal up and left. Killian didn’t know her at all; he had no reason to stay. So she settled on telling him a version of the truth.

“I get—I get one shot at this. One. Heir to the throne and my future is planned out for me, right down to my soulmate. And it’s you! You’re in love with someone else. That’s … That’s great, Lieutenant.”

“You’re quite presumptuous for someone who just met me.” True, but,

“I heard the siren,” Emma countered. He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“So who did it turn into for you?” Emma was angry. She was furious. How could he ask such a personal question?

Apparently, Killian felt her anger as well, because he kicked off his boots, picked up his effects and walked toward the path.

“Where are you going?!” Emma shouted.

“Leaving,” Came the terse reply.

“No, you’re not.” Princess Emma commanded. Killian stopped and turned to face her.

“Am I not?” He angrily threw his boots to the ground. “You may be a princess, Emma, but for as little as you know about me, I know nothing about you! You just saw a very potent reminder of the most painful part of my life, and I’ve been running from it for five years!”

“You wouldn’t understand if I told you,” Emma said, feebly. _I can’t tell you about my magic. I can’t tell you, I can’t get close to you, because when you leave I don’t want it to hurt. If you are my soulmate, and you leave, I’ll never get over it_.

“I’d know more than you think. In fact, I can take a guess at why you’re angry with me.”

“You’ll be wrong.”

“Will I?” Killian challenged. “You were burned in love, I can see it. You loved someone and they didn’t return the favour. You’re an open book, Swan. He left you. You opened up to him and he left, didn’t he?”

“How—“

“Because I see you, Emma!” _The kingdom sees me every day. They know nothing._ “Even if I couldn’t, I feel you. You’re here under my skin and I can’t get rid of you! It’s not the soul bond, no, that’s just the surface. This is you!” _Oh, God. He knows._ “You have magic!” _He knows_. “Since I awoke this morning you’ve been there and … And how dare you attack me for having been in love when you did the same damn thing! It’s why he left, isn’t it? You’re magic—your power. He was afraid.” _Wow._

“You’re dismissed, Lieutenant.”

“Princess …”

“Emma, I apologize. Truly, I shouldn’t have said those things.”

More silence.

“I needed to hear that, but you should go,” Emma finally said.

“We should go. You’re parents are waiting and we’re both a little—“

“Damp, yeah.” Emma wasn’t surprised her parents were here. Any sign of a soulmate and they would be all over him. Remarkable they found him so quickly, though. It only seemed like a few hours—but how long had she been missing?

Princess Emma and Killian walked shoulder-to-shoulder on the path back to an awaiting carriage. Before approaching, Killian stopped her and said,

“He was wrong not to trust you, Princess. Know that. All this time I’ve spent running away from love and today was no different. It was your bravery, not mine, that kept me from turning ‘round every step of the way.” His knuckles brushed against her hand as he opened the carriage door. The slightest contact sent a thrilling tremor up her arm. “Magic makes you dangerous, but it also makes you exceptional.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome.


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, so please forgive any grammar / spelling errors.

“Magic makes you dangerous, but it also makes you exceptional.”

_Where had that come from?_

Killian opened the carriage door and Emma’s mother nearly trampled her father in a rush to hug. Emma nearly suffocated and lightly patted her mother on the back. Her dad hugged her more lightly, but Emma still felt loved. She shivered from the cold water seeping through her clothes, wrapping herself in Lieutenant Jones’s jacket even more tightly.

The ride back to the palace was a few hours of, “We’re glad to have you back” and “Don’t do anything like that again” and “You’re an adult and expected to make royal decisions on behalf of the entire kingdom.” _I can’t tell them I have no idea how I ended up at Lake Nostos. They’d lock me away or, worse, send for the Evil Queen out of desperation._

So Princess Emma just nodded. She and Killian dodged questions like they’d been doing it together for years. Somehow, Lieutenant Jones knew she didn’t want to talk and she appreciated it.

When they were getting out of the carriage, Princess Emma pushed Lieutenant Jones back inside.

“Go back to your ship,” She commanded. Killian looked at her strangely.

“You don’t want me to …?”

“Want you to what?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s going on?” Her father asked.

“He has a job to do,” Emma answered.

“You’re part of the royal line now. You must stay, learn the kingdom!” Queen Snow insisted.

“He really isn’t and he really shouldn’t,” Princess Emma replied. There it was again! That sneer. Killian Jones clearly did not know what to think of Emma Swan. But he knew what she wanted.

“She’s right,” He responded. “I don’t know how this soulmate business usually works, but if Princess Emma doesn’t want me here, I shan’t intrude further upon your time.”

“He has a job to do,” Emma repeated before shutting the carriage door. She turned her back and left. The day following, Emma drew a stem below the flower tattoo on her left wrist as she thought about her mother’s willingness to accept him into the family straightaway. She had noticed at Lake Nostos that the family crest appeared on Killian’s arm as well, marking his left wrist. _I’ll always be with him in some form or another_.

.oOo.

The following week went by so slowly, at some points Emma was certain time had stopped. She couldn’t go an hour without someone mentioning Killian.

They didn’t always know his name, of course, only that he was a lieutenant in the royal navy. It began in combat lessons with Mulan the following morning.

Princess Emma was on her game, even guarding her flank, which was one of the most difficult things for her to pick up. Mulan kept saying, “Good job, Princess!” Eventually she asked,

“Emma, what’s the most important thing to have in battle?” Emma immediately responded,

“Honour!” While blocking Mulan’s advance. Then, her mind was whisked back to the previous night as she vividly remembered Killian’s words, and the conviction visible in his taut posture—like a string one pluck from breaking.

“The only thing I have left is my sense of honour and I shall not surrender it to you.”

Mulan tackled her to the ground in a whirlwind of long black hair.

“Distracted, Princess?” She teased before helping Emma up.

“Yeah, I just … A memory, is all.”

“Really? Was it about your soulmate?” Mulan’s expression sobered. “How did you let him walk away?” Emma tensed.

“Why should it matter to you?”

“I once waited to tell someone I loved them until it was too late.”

“But I don’t love him.”

“That’s what I told myself the first time I met Aurora,” Mulan smiled a bit then, losing herself in her own memory. “You know what it was?” Mulan asked.

“Do tell,” Emma insisted.

“She was—is, I mean—beautiful. But even more than that, her determination. Her willpower was overwhelming. In the face of losing everything and having to rebuild, Aurora never wavered. That’s why I loved her,” Mulan shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world. Which, in a way, Emma supposed it was. Princess Emma saw the same qualities in Lieutenant Jones.

When the world had seemingly taken everything from him (if his words to the siren were to be trusted), he continued to serve on the seas. Emma wondered what he was doing right then. Sailing, obviously. She bent to pick up her sword when there was a tingling sensation on her left forearm.

Emma pulled off her glove and pushed up her sleeve to reveal a set of lines rapidly criss-crossing across her forearm of their own accord. Mulan watched as Emma outstretched her arm and the lines became a ship. Waves formed at the bottom and Emma smiled.

“You were thinking of him,” Mulan observed.

“Yeah, I guess I was,” Princess Emma replied. She was about to replace her sleeve when her arm went sort of numb. _HRH SWAN_ appeared in writing on the ship’s hull. Emma smiled to herself and Mulan said,

“I know love when I see it.”

.oOo.

Princess Emma was walking around the castle with her mother the next day when she received her first lecture.

“You’re turning twenty soon, Emma.”

“Yes,” Princess Emma replied.

“I was twenty when I met your father, you know.”

“Yes, mom.”

“What do you think of Lieutenant Jones?”

“Of Killian?” Emma asked suspiciously.

“Yes, of Killian,” Queen Snow smiled. Emma shrugged, noncommittal.

“He’s fine.”

“Oh, Emma,” Queen Snow said disapprovingly.

“Alright, he’s good-looking, I suppose. He’s … Damaged. He’s lonely. But he’s saved me, so I owe him.”

“You don’t owe him anything, Emma.”

“I owe him my life,” Princess Emma admitted.

“Emma, he wanted to save you. You have the same face when you don’t want to talk about something. It’s cute. Just give him time. Trust him.”

“The last person I trusted left me.” Emma touched the circular pendant on her chest. “I’m not going to let it happen again.”

“Emma—“

“Though, I do like that he calls me ‘Swan.’”

Her arm began to tingle, which was beginning to become a familiar sensation. They were in the courtyard when the lines began to form a swan on the side of her left arm that wasn’t taken up by the previous day’s ship. Queen Snow watched with a smile on her face.

“Your magic, Emma, is very special.”

“I don’t even have to draw; I just think about him,” She replied.

.oOo.

The next day, Emma went down to the port. She dipped her toes in the water and watched the ripples travel further and further out, almost envying they were closer to Killian than she was. Emma began to think sending him away was a terrible idea. She wanted to get to know him, learn how he knew so much about her. Princess Emma wondered when he’d return.

She imagined him dry, what his hair must look like pulled back in a ponytail. She thought of him sleeping in a ridiculously tiny navy bunk with coarse sheets. Princess Emma imagined Lieutenant Jones in full uniform, hair damp from the remnants of waves pouring onto the ship.

The tingling feeling Emma was becoming accustomed to, appeared in her left hand. A pattern began to emerge—a pattern of waves. With a base on her wrist, the waves crested on her knuckles and some even extended up to her fingertips.

.oOo.

Princess Emma hid in her study the following day. She locked the doors and curled into a chair. The darkness was creeping in again, and Emma didn’t want to be around family if she couldn’t hold it at bay. Sunup to sundown, she remained locked away. She sat on the floor, cross-legged, and drew a mermaid on her leg wondering how long it would take Killian to find it on his.

.oOo.

The next day, Emma was sick in bed. The night was hellish. She’d had the worst dream …

_Everything was black. I couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t see or hear anything. There was nothing except a woman’s voice repeating my worst insecurities over and over._

_“You sent him away, but you miss him.”_

_“You push him away, but you want him.”_

_“Not having someone, that’s the worst curse imaginable.”_

_“Will he come back?”_

_“Will he still want you?”_

_“He loved Milah. No matter what you do, you will always be second. Everything will be either ‘like Milah’ or ‘not like Milah.’ That will never change. People don’t change, they only fool themselves into thinking they can.”_

_“Your body, Emma Swan, will be your tomb.”_

_Then I was swimming—sort of a watery stasis. Something began to materialize, and it was Killian. He was looking at me, screaming at me for help. He opened his mouth and screamed, reached out his hands for me, his mouth clearly shouting “EMMA EMMA” over and over until he inhaled and his eyes popped. He stopped moving entirely and just floated._

_I tried to scream against my invisible bonds but couldn’t. I just had to watch as Killian’s body drifted closer to me. Closer and closer until we were eye-to-eye. I felt myself crying, heaving, and I just wanted to die …_

Princess Emma bolted upright and saw her parents at the end of her bed. She was covered in a sheen of sweat and breathed heavily.

“You were … You were flailing, Emma, is everything okay?” Her father asked. Queen Snow held a candle in her shaking hands. Emma shook her head.

“I was so scared. So scared … Mom, I’m so scared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome!


	4. Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the companion work in the series for the story from Killian's point of view.
> 
> Also, I don't have a beta so please forgive grammar / spelling errors.

Emma’s arms fell from her mother’s shoulders and her eyes slid shut.

_Where am I?_

Wherever it was, it was dark. Emma looked around, but there was nothing. Not just pitch black, but a seemingly perpetual abyss of nothing.

Nothing was cold. Emma ran her hands up and down her arms, trying to warm herself.

The darkness was so black and perpetual, Emma wondered if there was anything inside at all. It smelled, sounded, looked, felt like nothing. She stood, her body not betraying her fear.

“What do you want?” She asked the void. No response. Emma took a step forward and the floor began to shake. The tremors increased until Emma could hardly keep her balance and the ground in front of her split open. Bright light shone through the cracks, illuminating the room. It was a large room, from what she could tell. Windowless with a high ceiling, and four walls completely bare except for a plain-looking door on the far wall.

Emma practically ran to it, thankful this dreadful place had a way out. The light from underground only grazed the door, as the room had split on the opposite side. Curiously, the doorknob was shaped like a purple crown, but Emma didn’t dwell on it. She wrenched the door open and was thrown back several feet. She landed on her back with a harsh thud. Emma groaned, then propped herself up on her elbows to take a look at the doorway. She narrowed her eyes.

“That’s strange,” She muttered to no one in particular. Through the doorway was the same nothingness she’d seen earlier, like it devoured any light strong enough to filter in. “Something is wrong …” Emma trailed off as she got to her feet. She walked toward the open door but stopped halfway and screamed.

Emma fell again to the floor, unable to hold back the hysterical noises seemingly pulled from her throat. A scaly gray hand with thin, pointed fingers appeared from the abyss and gripped the door frame. It was soon joined by another, even longer, stretching all the way to a disembodied wrist. Another appeared, a full, disgustingly scaly arm reached toward and made to grab her, but found only emptiness.

More disembodied hands and arms made their way to the door, some of them clawing at the wall surrounding the door, trying to pull themselves out of the darkness. Emma ran as far to the opposite side of the room as she could, stopping at the very edge of the floor’s split.

Then Emma heard a faint whistling noise. As it grew in decibel, it became clear they were disembodied voices. It was a woman’s voice over and over, whispering the same thing.

“Emma.”

“Emma!”

“Emma.”

“Emma!”

One after the other, overlapping, until Emma clasped her ears in an attempt to drown it out. She looked over and could still see disembodied fingers trying to work their way out of the door frame thirty or so feet away.

The ground began to tremble again. The floor fell out from beneath Emma and she scrambled to get onto solid ground before falling into whatever it was below. Even more light shone through then, as the two feet of floor closest to the wall had disappeared. Emma had to look away because the fluorescence was overpowering. The whispers got louder then, becoming clearer even through the fingers enclosing Emma’s ears.

Another tremble, another foot of floor lost. The whispers became louder. Again, a tremble, four feet from the wall, and light so hot Emma wasn’t cold any longer. Another rocking of the ground, five feet gone. Emma kept sliding along, perching on the edge, as the tremors were forcing her toward the opposite end of the room—toward the doorway. Emma began shaking, confused, scared …

The whispers got louder then. Like someone was right next to her, chin on her shoulder, whispering her name constantly. And it repeated, each time forcing Emma closer and closer to the other end of the room as more grabbing hands appeared, leaving only a person-sized gap in the middle.

At ten feet, Emma began to scoot closer to the door because the light coming up from the floor was blinding and hot. Her back was covered in sweat from proximity to it, and right then she wanted nothing more than to die. Just get it over with.

But something in her bones made her feel like going through that doorway at the edge of her mind—or whatever that room was—wouldn’t deliver her to Death. No, it would take Emma to something much worse: Darkness. Even as more and more parts of the floor fell away and she was forced closer and closer to the dark doorway, the whispers grew to audible levels. Then they became screams.

“EMMA!”

“EMMA!”

“EMMA!”

“EMMA!”

The light was blinding. Emma couldn’t see anything but the doorway and what little bit of floor remained beneath her. She rested her head between her knees, trying to decide what to do, leaning away from gray fingertips only feet from her throat. Then the shouting stopped. Instead, another voice sounded. A welcome, familiar one.

“Princess Emma, love, you’re thirsty. At least drink some water.

 _Oh, God, I would love nothing more_.

“Come on, Swan, it’s me. Drink!” Silence. Then, “Please.”

Suddenly, Emma was whipped from the room, like something had pulled her out by the waist, her head in a dizzying spin as she looked to her left and … _Killian?_

Emma didn’t know if the name actually made its way out of her mouth, but she was beyond glad to see him. Killian was so shocked by her movement, he spilled some of the water he was holding down his front.

“Dammit, Swan,” Killian sighed.

_I am so glad you’re here._

“Here, give me your hand.” Killian wrapped her fingers around the stem of a goblet, and she couldn’t take her eyes from where their hands met. Emma didn’t remember his touch from before. His skin was rough and dry, but he spent so much time around and likely in the water it didn’t surprise her. What shocked her was how gentle he was.

_When did he get here, anyway? Wasn’t he weeks away?_

“Hold that and try not to spill it,” Killian said. “Be right back, love.” Love, how comforting—

Emma was whisked back into the bright room, landing again on her back with a forceful thud. She opened her eyes and immediately closed them because it was too bright. Emma covered her ears again because the shouting was overwhelming.

“EMMA!”

“EMMA!”

“EMMA!”

“EMMA!”

As soon as she sat up, it stopped and Killian’s voice returned again.

“Did you even blink? Not sure where your mum dug these up from … Always meeting at sundown, aren’t we? I’m not sure how this works.”

_How what works? Just get me out of here, Killian, please. I’ll do anything._

“Look, love. I’m taking this because I want to hold your hand, alright?”

Before Emma could think anything, she was pulled from the room, just as gracelessly as the first time. Her eyes widened in disbelief upon seeing her bedroom. Then she doubled over, panting, gasping air like she hadn’t breathed in weeks. Killian snaked an arm across her back, holding her up, while tipping some water into her mouth. Emma swallowed a couple mouthfuls obediently before collapsing against Killian’s side.

He tried to lay her down gently, Emma knew, but when he let go and sent her back to that awful place again she could do nothing but roll her eyes in frustration. It seemed that Killian's touch, her soulmate's touch, was the only thing grounding her in this world. She was pulled back almost immediately and wrapped her fingers around Killian’s in a vice grip.

 _Don’t you dare let go_.

Killian was still talking, but Emma couldn’t be bothered to listen. She caught bits and pieces, not really processing the whole of it.

“What is going on in your head?”

“Yeah, I bet you’re exhausted after all that, aren’t you?”

“I don’t generally sleep with friends, but I’ll make an exception this time.”

“… All the shouting you did when we met.”

As though he’d heard her final thoughts, Killian whispered,

“I’m not letting go love. Just sleep.”

.oOo.

“Swan?” Emma heard Killian ask. She clung tighter to him, hoping he’d take the hint. Emma wanted just a few more hours of sleep, and he was so warm …

“Oi, princess, it’s well into morning! Must be at least ten already if it’s shining through the windows over there. Princess? Emma, love, if you’d just for a moment—“ He jostled her a little, fiddling with her grip, trying to roll away. “Are you feeling up for a little walk?”

Emma raised her head and nodded slightly. A walk would do her some good. Her body felt like she hadn’t moved in ages.

“Fantastic!” Killian said, gently helping Emma onto the floor. She cracked her neck side-to-side, then her toes against the ground and let out a soft moan. Killian held out his left hand.

“We’re both a bit sweaty. Want to switch sides?” Emma nodded and took his free hand before dropping the other. “So much better already,” Killian observed. “Sleep is the nectar of the gods, you know.” When Emma didn’t respond, he added,

“And we’re back to this. Follow me, Swan. We’re going to visit your parents so they can see I’ve not ravaged you.” Killian gave her a top-down once-over and narrowed his eyes. “On second thought, they’re going to have to take my word for it.” Killian looked toward the door then, and said, “Or perhaps they’ve been in already. Your father’s a right—“ Emma cut him off with a glare.

“Well, that’s the most emotion you’ve shown yet, so we’ll call it a success.”

.oOo.

Emma knew her parents would be in the courtyard. It’s where they went when they worried. They’d walk arm-in-arm because nothing felt better than having your whole world at your side. Emma supposed Killian was that for her now. At his side, her literal connection to the world.

When Emma found her parents, she dropped Killian and went to hug her father. He said something, Killian said something, but Killian caught her before she was pulled back into that god-awful room again.

“I think Princess, here, is still very tired,” Killian said. Emma nodded, happy to at least have seen her parents.

“We are so grateful you’re here to help. Very heroic of you, always coming to the rescue as you have,” Queen Snow said. Emma squirmed a little inside at that characterization. She didn’t enjoy playing the damsel in distress, and most definitely did not expect her soulmate to keep rescuing her.

“No, your majesty,” Killian responded. “I’m just here to serve the crown and,” Killian looked at Emma then. She saw something in his eyes she hadn’t before. Almost like … Almost like adoration. “To be a friend,” He finished. Emma squeezed his hand just a little tighter.

“A good friend you are,” Her father said awkwardly, clapping Killian on the shoulder.

“I’ll send someone to draw Emma a bath, Lieutenant,” Queen Snow said as she and King David walked away. He added,

“No funny business, young man.”

“Of course, your highness,” Killian replied, annoyance clear in his tone. They reentered the castle and began wandering up the three sets of stairs toward Emma’s room.

“I think they’re tiptoeing around me,” Killian observed aloud. Emma nodded.

“Why do you suppose that is?” He asked. Emma shrugged.

“I don’t know either, Swan. I don’t know either. It’s almost like they want to scold me for touching you, but they know I’ve saved you. Maybe that’s it, because that’s what bothers me. You’ve never needed saving before now. Always Emma saving herself, so why do you suddenly need me?”

Oh, how Emma wished her voice would come back just then. But she couldn’t force anything out, she was too exhausted. Instead, she just shrugged.

“Full of answers today, aren’t you, Swan?” Killian joked as they walked into her bedchamber. Emma led him in the direction of her bathroom where Mallory was already preparing a bath.

“Bloody hell, how’d she get here before us? Ah, that’s right, because you move at the speed of a three-legged turtle,” Killian joked. Emma couldn’t hide her smile. Killian shifted awkwardly in her arm, then, asking Mallory exactly how he was going to maintain contact with Emma while she was in the bath. Emma rolled her eyes and threw a towel over his head, shaking with laughter.

_Now who’s the one who can’t see, Lieutenant?_

Undressing Emma was quite the feat. Emma jostled from hand to hand, Mallory helping her to slowly shed her clothes and step into the tub. The water was brimming with bubbles, hiding all of Emma that she wanted to keep personal. She rested her head against the side of the tub as Killian sat on the floor, facing her. Emma lazily held his hand.

“I don’t mind touching you, you know,” Killian said. “I’ll never be distressed having such a beautiful woman in my grasp, alright? All you have to do is ask and I’ll be here.” Emma nodded.

“Good,” Killian said as Mallory went to work. Emma was so grateful for her maid then, because she was not strong enough to clean herself. She ached and felt boneless. Mallory delicately scrubbed Emma’s skin before washing her hair. Killian said,

“You’ll be strong enough soon, Swan. I promise.” Emma wondered just how he planned to ensure that.

“You know, you never answered my question from the lake. Who did the siren turn into for you?”

Silence.

“It’s got me thinking, and I’m just going to wade around this thought puddle since you’re not exactly ripe with conversation. Your father said he’d been to Lake Nostos and already killed the siren. So why would you go back there? It doesn’t make any sense because you knew who it would become. You knew it would bring pain.

“So why go at all? Unless you didn’t want to. Unless someone was making you—“ Killian stopped abruptly as Mallory dropped a damp cloth in his lap. He returned it and continued,

“Someone made you go there. Is someone manipulating your magic, Emma? Is that what’s happening?” Emma sat up immediately.

_That’s it. They want to turn my light magic dark. The soul bond is what’s keeping it from taking over, but also siphoning away my light magic. I’m being drained._

Emma looked at Killian whose eyes were firmly fixed on hers. Emma blushed and retreated below the bubbles.

.oOo.

Emma, clothed only in her favourite bathrobe, sat between Killian’s legs on her bed. Remarkably, it wasn’t sexual. If Emma had to describe it, she would have said “comfortable.” Killian’s hands rested on her waist, acting as a backboard as Emma braided her damp hair. Sometimes Killian would run his hands up and down her sides, which tickled a bit. She’d swoon inside when he’d rub his thumb in small circles.

“Look, Swan—Emma. Emma, I know you can’ tell me a lot about yourself right now. Here’s what I do know. I know your parents are heroes. I know your father killed the siren at Lake Nostos to help someone else. I know he pretended to be his brother and was willing to marry someone he did not love to save a kingdom. I know your mother, when faced with the person who had most wronged her in all the realm, spared Regina’s life because no one had ever shown the Evil Queen such mercy.

“Now, if you ever tell your father I think he’s a hero, I’ll deny it. But this is your family, love. I know they’ve taught you well, and I trust that whatever fight is going on up inside that head of yours right now, you are going to win. You are stronger than you imagine, Emma Swan.”

 _I wish I had as much confidence in myself as you do_. _I wish I knew what was happening. I wish I knew why. I’m so scared._

“My father, you see, wasn’t nearly as brave or as kind.”

_Oh. This is new._

“He abandoned me and my brother on our boat. Up and left in the middle of the night. Calm seas and not a trace of him on the water.” Killian wrapped his arms around Emma’s waist and pulled her closer to his chest, resting his chin on her shoulder. “It ruined me, love. The one person who needed to love me just up and left. And I want you to know, I’m never going to do that to you. No one should have to go without someone they need, alright?”

_I hate that I need you. But if I need someone, I’m glad it’s you._

Killian took her left hand in his own, lining up the pattern of waves on his hand with hers. It was odd, seeing all her thoughts mapped out on his body. Oddly exposing, like she had no secrets. Killian rubbed circles on her wrist with his thumb.

“If you need me—my hands, my touch, I’ll be here. Don’t ever fear I won’t be.

“That battle inside your head, Swan. It can’t just be your own, you’re fighting for something else. Someone else’s power versus yours. That’s light magic against dark magic. Only, what could they want from you? Why would anyone want to hurt you?” Emma shrugged.

 _Your guess is as good as mine_.

“What do you s’pose our soul bond is? Light or dark? Or different?”

Emma shrugged again.

 _Wait_.

“Wait. Wait! Emma! That’s it!” Killian kept contact with her as he crawled to her front. “I know I can help. Let me help.” He grabbed her right arm. “There’s too much power in you, right now. God knows I can’t alleviate the darkness, but you can share the load, Emma. Put your burden on me.”

Emma looked at him, confused. He repeated,

“The soul bond. Give it to me. The whole damn thing. Alleviate that problem and focus on you.”

 _What about you_? 

As though he’d heard, Killian replied,

“I’ll be fine, love. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Silence.

“Still skeptical, I see. Emma, please. If you are cursed, as we seem to think you are, then you need your strength. Right now I am the distraction, so give it to me and fight your own battle.”

After a minute of staring back-and-forth, Princess Emma acquiesced.

The drawings on Emma’s arm began to fade, as she willed the bond over to Killian. She didn’t know how she knew to do it, but it worked. Eventually, the art on her arm was gone. The ship, the swan, the waves … All appearing only more intensely on Killian.

The way he looked at her then was intense and ravishing. Like Emma was the world. A fire burned behind his bright blue eyes and Emma’s breath caught in her throat at just how beautiful Killian was. His hair, out of its regular ponytail, was dark and thick. She wanted to run her hands through it.

_Where did that thought come from? Shouldn’t all those feelings have disappeared?_

His eyebrows were furrowed in intense concentration, focused on Emma. She narrowed her eyes back at him and had a feeling this had been a very, very bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome!


	5. Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, first draft, really, so I apologize for any mistakes.

“Killian?” Emma asked, concern for him outweighing the shock at the return of her voice.

“Swan?” He replied hesitantly. Emma nodded, answering his unspoken question.

_I’m alright._

Killian glanced at her arms, devoid of anything that could be found on his.

“I’d almost forgotten what you sounded like. It’s damn good to hear your voice again. I quite fancy it when you’re not yelling at me.” Stunned, Emma sighed,

“You did it.”

“That surprise you?” Killian asked, his voice taking on a dreamlike quality. Emma raised her eyebrows and said,

“Well we aren’t exactly friends. We don’t even know each other.”

“We’ll get there, Swan.”

“I feel so much better; I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Cautiously, Emma let go of Killian’s hand. There was nothing—no pull of darkness, not even lurking at her mind’s edge. She smiled.

“Thank you.” Killian cocked an eyebrow and smirked, licking his lips. The thought occurred to Emma that perhaps Killian actually liked her. He was radiating sensuality, leaning slightly forward like he’d thought about kissing her. That was confirmed when he said,

“Perhaps gratitude is in order, now.” Emma scoffed and waived her hand dismissively.

“Yeah, that’s what the ‘thank you’ was for.” Emma massaged her temples and leaned into Killian. However long it had been, living in her head, being confined there left a monstrous headache.

“Is that what the power of speech and mobility is worth to you?” He teased. Emma laughed.

“Please, you couldn’t handle it.”

“Keep deluding yourself, Princess. You’re the one who couldn’t handle it.”

_I’ll show you._

Emma fisted the collar of Killian’s shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He was incredibly pliant, allowing Emma to lead. Her brain was in overdrive because he tasted so good and it felt like he belonged exactly where he was. Both of them began to work on instinct.

Killian gently (yet possessively) cupped the back of Emma’s head, but his hand soon fell away like he’d forgotten about it. They broke apart for a moment to breathe, before returning with increased ferocity. Emma snuck her tongue into Killian’s mouth only briefly, savouring the moment before pulling away.

She didn’t move back much. Her eyes were still closed but she felt his breath on her face, their noses lightly touching.

“That was …” Killian trailed off, unable to find an adequate word.

“A one-time thing,” Emma finished. She pushed Killian away and meandered to the bathroom. She pulled on a pair of riding pants, a gray sweater and lace-up boots from the spare closet.

“Swan, is it incredibly hot in here to you?” She heard Killian ask.

“No, why?” Emma asked, stepping into the bedroom.

“You look good,” Killian observed. Emma was distracted by his face. He was sweating profusely and his cheeks were flushed.

“God, Lieutenant, what’s going on? You’re turning red.” She used a sleeve to dry Killian’s face a bit, but wasn’t of much help. Emma cupped his face in her hands and asked, “What’s going on? What do you feel? I didn’t even know I could do that—passing this onto you.” Killian anxiously ran a hand through his hair.

“Swan, I think I’ve got not only my feelings to deal with now, but yours too.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I have an overwhelming desire to protect you and kiss you—you’re quite good at that, and I want to kill any man who has ever made you cry. Then there is the pulsing need for you to love me which is crushing me more every second. On top of all that, I feel like I’m roasting on an open flame in hell.”

“It must be the bond magic, then,” Emma said, completely ignoring the implication of Killian’s words. She shrugged. “Easy solution; I take it back.”

“No! You can’t. If you take it back, then you’ll go back into your catatonic state and I’m not going to hold onto you for every second of your life, Swan. That’s not what you want for yourself.”

“Why do you think you know me?” Emma asked. “Why do you think you can say these things to me?”

“Because I do know you. I told you, I can feel you under my skin and, to be honest, you burn like hell.”

“Shut up, Lieutenant.” Princess Emma sighed. “I’ll go get the … I’ll go get help, alright? We can’t keep doing this on our own.” It was Killian’s turn to shrug.

“I kind of liked figuring things out with you.”

“And I kind of liked that you made me feel safe,” Emma replied.

_So I’ll do the same for you_.

“You … Stay here,” Emma said before making her way to the throne room.

.oOo.

It’d taken several minutes for her parents to summon the Blue Fairy, who’d only been able to recommend another fairy, Green, more well-versed in soul bond magic.

“I don’t have time to go through the whole rainbow, mother,” Emma said. Queen Snow smiled sadly,

“Patience, Emma. If you didn’t have your own magic, this wouldn’t be possible at all.”

“I still can’t believe Lieutenant Jones would be willing to do something so stupid,” King David observed.

“It wasn’t stupid!” Emma insisted. “I’m here now. Here, talking, walking … How long was I gone for, anyway?”

“About three weeks,” Queen Snow said. Emma was not surprised. She nodded.

“You two haven’t …” King David asked, but stopped short of forming a question.

“What?” Emma asked. “We haven’t what?” Emma’s father averted his eyes, looking toward the ceiling as though praying for guidance. Emma rolled her eyes and wrinkled her nose, when she finally realized what he was implying.

“No! Dad, of course not! Killian’s been nothing but a gentlemen in the day or so I’ve known him. Which you’d do well to remember just how little we know each other. These things take time, right?” King David and Queen Snow looked at each other doubtfully.

“Well, you both have troubled pasts so, of course it’s going to take longer,” Queen Snow said.

“I’m sure it’ll work out, Emma,” Kind David said. Emma narrowed her eyes.

“He’s nice, sure, but Neal was nice too. It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a day for me to make myself vulnerable again. To love anyone again.”

“But hasn’t he already done so much more for you, without being told?” Snow prodded.

_Mom, stop it. You know what Neal did to me. You know how he hurt me. Just because you never went through anything like that with Dad doesn’t mean—_

Emma stopped those thoughts. They never led anywhere productive. The Green Fairy chose that moment to arrive, saving Emma from having to form a response. The fairy curtsied.

“Your majesties.”

“Green,” Queen Snow smiled. “The Blue Fairy told us you are an expert in soul bond magic.”

“Yes,” Green nodded enthusiastically. “All the true love magic—it’s my favourite kind. Tried to help everyone from kings and queens like yourselves to, well, to Regina.” Green’s expression darkened. “But that goes to show not all true love is meant to be.”

_Mine is._

“Green, I found my soulmate,” Emma said. The fairy squealed in delight.

“I’m sure he’s gorgeous, Princess Emma. Tell me, why do you need me if you’ve already found him?”

“I was cursed, so he took over all of the soul bond,” Emma tried to explain. The Green Fairy gasped and used a hand to cover her mouth.

“Oh, no. No, no. You can’t do that.” She paused. “He can’t do that,” Green affirmed.

“He did.”

“No, soul bonds are very powerful magic, Princess. A bond requires two souls to exist. It’s why you are pulled so tightly to this other person. You have one half, he has the other. The light magic will wrap around you, comfort you, and connect you. It’s as much a spiritual connection as a physical one.

“The bond needs you both. If you gave yours to him, and he still has his, that’s two halves going after one soul like a parasite. It will eat at him until he doesn’t have a soul at all. Princess Emma, he will die,” Green said emphatically.

Emma wasted no time running back to her bedchamber. It couldn’t have been more than an hour since she’d left Killian.

_What could’ve happened?_

Killian was nowhere to be found in the bedroom, but Emma heard water running in the bath. She flung herself through the doorway and saw Killian unclothed, curled into the fetal position at one end of the tub. There was nothing sexual about his nakedness, Emma’s worry drowning out any lecherous thoughts she might have had. His skin was wrinkled well past prune and the water had to be ice cold.

“We found a fairy who knows of this … This thing.” Emma gestured between herself and Killian. “What’s happening now is the soul bond isn’t meant to be housed in one vessel. It’s overpowering when it’s split, so now it’s searching for another soul to attach to. It’s not going to find one, so it’s devouring yours.

“We have two options, then. Well, one, really. I can take it back and you’ll go right back to normal. Normal Lieutenant Jones. Of course, then one of two things happens. I either go back to battling the dark magic in my head or I let it take over. Considering how weak I will be, I can’t imagine I’ll put up much of a fight.

“Scenario two is you die. It’s not an option, so give me your hand.” Emma stretched her arm over the water, but Killian didn’t offer his hand. He didn’t move at all.

“Dammit, Killian!” Emma shouted. “Give me your hand! We’ll get through this. You’ve helped me out twice now, so I’m doing this for you.” Killian didn’t turn to face her as he said,

“Emma, love—If I am freeing your mind, freeing you, let me go. This is easy—I’ve watched loads of people die. I’m sure I’ll be just fine at it,” Killian laughed, but it sounded forced. “Let our bond die with me and you can choose love for yourself,” His voice quieted. “I know, I know that’s what you want. For both of us … Free of fate at long last.” His eyes closed, and Emma thought about how right he was.

And how wrong that was.

_No! No. I’m not going to let you go. I’m not letting true love go._

Emma grabbed his hand, the water chilling her arm to the bone, and tried her best to undo what she’d done. Emma willed her part of the bond back. It worked—her drawings began reappearing on her arms and she smiled for the briefest moment before once again being taken back to that awful room in her head.

.oOo.

_This time there was nowhere to go. It was either into the light from below or the dark doorway. The hands and fingertips were only inches from Emma and she made her decision. She simply jumped backward into the light._

_It was falling, then. She fell … Then seemingly fell right back into her own skin, clutching Killian’s hand in time to see his eyes open._

.oOo.

“Emma, what have you done?!” Killian exclaimed.

“Me? What have I done? What have  _I_ done?!” She dropped his hand and returned to the bedchamber as she shouted, “Trusted you, is what I’ve done, Lieutenant.”

_What’s happened? What did I do? Am I alright? Am I dark?_

Killian dressed quickly and followed her.

“I gave you an out, Princess.”

“And I didn’t take it, Lieutenant.”

“Why not?” Killian demanded. Emma took a breath.

“Because that’s twice you’ve saved me now and the least I could do was return the favour.”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“You didn’t need to.”

“Do you feel it? Did you do it? Concede the battle in your head, I mean,” Killian asked. Emma nodded.

“I don’t feel any different. I feel, well, I feel fine, actually.”

“For now.”

_For now._

“This is a gift, to you, Killian.”

“A gift. For me? How do you mean?”

“I’m trusting you to save me from the darkness again. I am giving you my trust.”

_Cherish it. I don’t know how many people I’ll ever trust again._

“Princess Emma, I have been running from darkness a long time. Fleeing that temptation, I’ve never faced it head-on and won.”

“Yes you did. The first time we met.”

“I told you, Swan, that was all you.”

“The soul bond only emphasizes feelings that are already there, Killian. You were brave that night because you have courage. You needed something to fight for.”

“And you think that’s you, do you?” Killian insisted. Emma nearly collapsed to the ground in frustration.

_Why aren’t you getting it, Lieutenant?_

“Can’t you just accept that I wanted to keep you here?” Emma tried to spell it out.

“I hadn’t realized that.”

“No, you hadn’t,” Emma said as Green poked her head inside the room.

“If you lovebirds are done, may I come in?” She asked. Killian smiled.

“Well, if it isn’t the lost fairy herself.” Killian welcomed her into a hug.

_What the hell is this?_

“What are you doing here, Tink?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her tightly and lifting her just a tad off the ground.

_I am most definitely not jealous._

“The royal family needed a fairy familiar with the magic of true love,” Green explained.

“And that’s you?”

“Don’t look so surprised. I am an expert in the field.”

“Yes, uh, Green here was the one who explained to me the problems we were having?” Emma said hesitantly.

“Green?” Killian asked.

“Professional title,” The fairy chimed in.

“I’m sorry, how do you two know each other?” Emma asked.

“Our paths crossed in Neverland, Swan. About six years ago. Tinkerbell, here, was stuck on the island and she bartered passage off on our ship.” A dark look crossed Killian’s features.

_Must not have been smooth sailing._

“Exactly how far did your paths cross?” Emma asked.

“What, Swan? You jealous?” Killian teased.

“I don’t get jealous,” Emma insisted.

“Don’t let him talk so big, your majesty. My version of ‘bartering’ was holding a knife to his throat,” Green added.

“I’ll remember that next time.”

“Alright, I just wanted to let you know to summon me if you need anything. Have any questions or want to spare me from Blue.” She turned to Killian. “It’s so nice to see you again. You look …. Happier.” Tinkerbell grinned.

_Well, it’s nice to know I’m doing something right, then._

“And I anticipate my wedding invitation will arrive any day now.”

_Oh no. No. No, please don’t._

“Whose wedding?” Killian asked.

_Lie. Please, lie. He doesn’t need to know--_

“Yours of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome.


	6. Part VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta, so please forgive spelling and grammar errors. It's about 2:30 AM, so my own edits are very light. Much love to those of you who've stuck it out this far!!

Emma internally muttered every swear word she knew. Killian would run if he knew the laws of the kingdom forced him to marry. It was remarkable her parents agreed and didn’t let it slip.

_I wanted him to have the illusion of choice._

“To whom am I betrothed,” Killian asked, glaring sidelong at Emma because he knew the answer. The Green Fairy—Tinkerbell—looked around nervously and fidgeted.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything.”

_Damn right._

“Oh, no, please enlighten me,” Killian’s tone bordered on venomous.

“It’s only their majesties implied you two were well on your way to working things in that direction.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Tink.”

“Alright, they said you are getting along and expect a wedding is in your future.”

“Is that right?”

“I think it’s best I go,” Tinkerbell said.

“Yeah, you should leave. I have a conversation to continue with my fiancé,” Killian teased humorlessly. Tinkerbell made for the door and Emma followed, thinking he wouldn’t make a scene if there were others around.

“Thank you for all your help, Tinkerbell,” Emma said.

“Anytime,” The fairy said before flying away. Emma felt Killian’s presence behind her.

“Is this what you do?” He shouted. “Is this how you operate all the damn time?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Emma said as Killian brushed past her down the staircase.

“You lie. You lied to me. A sin of omission.” He turned to face her. “Are we betrothed, Emma? When you said your future was planned out for you, is this what you meant?” Emma nodded and Killian began practically jumping down the stairs.

“I thought we could be friends. I thought I had an option … I don’t know what I thought, but I know I could never live with someone like you!”

_That’s unfair!_

“Someone like me?!” Emma shouted back. “What do you mean, ‘someone like me?’”

“I was willing to die for you, Swan!”

_Changing the subject. I’ve hit a nerve—it must be_ her _._

“To give you the freedom to choose who you want to be with.”

_Maybe it was you. Maybe I thought it could be you._

“Don’t pretend I was the biggest factor in your decision, Killian.”

“I think it best, Princess, you keep my name out of your mouth at this moment.” That hit Emma like a punch to the stomach, but she kept pace with him anyway.

“You said so yourself. ‘Dying is easy.’ You don’t want the responsibility of having to love me. The responsibility that comes with caring for me. You never learned how to properly love anyone.”

Killian rounded on her then. They’d made it to the entrance hall and Emma had been very wrong when she assumed Killian wouldn’t make a scene in front of people. Several were gathered in the space—servants and noblemen from other kingdoms among them.

“Oh, and you have? You’re so desperate you kept me here, denied me my choice, because you need someone who has to love you!”

“You don’t know me!” Princess Emma shouted.

“And you don’t know me, Swan!” Killian’s chest heaved, his breath coming in short, loud bursts as he carried on. “All you know is what I’ve told you and what you’ve seen. You never even asked about me, my life, my family—“

“I was vocally impaired, you ass!”

“—you just decided to not only deny me my choice in death, but are keeping me here saddled with the responsibility of making sure you don’t allow someone else’s magic to control you!” There were actually quite a lot of people in the castle’s entryway.

Killian continued despite the audience. “Perhaps your previous lover was right and your magic is too reckless.”

_He did not just go there._

“Neal was desperate for a title, Lieutenant!” Slipped out of Emma’s mouth before she could think, and immediately wished she could stuff the words back in and pretend they’d never happened.

_Add this to the list of things I never want to discuss again._

“That’s what he wanted. He didn’t care as much about me, but it didn’t matter because he was kind. He understood me in ways you seem to have forgotten. He would go on adventures with me to foreign lands and never felt the need to rescue me and that’s why I fell in love with him.”

_Because I was never his damsel in distress. And I hate being yours._

Emma reverently touched the silver circle pendant on her chest.

“He gave me this necklace. Now I wear it as a reminder to be grateful for love while I have it.

“You were wrong about my magic. I’ll admit he didn’t like it. The thought of powerful magic made him sick, but that’s not the reason he left me. After a year together, he got antsy because my name never appeared on his skin. He couldn’t feel me, only my magic. When Neal realized he wasn’t my soulmate, he left. You may want to blame me, Lieutenant, but you are the reason Neal left. You are the reason I lost my first love! You are the reason I know your pain!”

Her breathing was as labored as her Killian’s. Neither of them noticed as the crowds grew around the edges of the room, the pair insulated in their own argumentative bubble.

“I hate that you had to rescue me,” Emma said. “I hate that I needed you to care for me. And right now, I hate myself for needing you to do it again.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t try and make sense of this soulmate nonsense!” Killian nervously ran a hand through his hair. He paced away from Emma a bit, then stepped back toward her. “Don’t use it to blame me, and don’t hate yourself because you think you need me.”

“I do need you,” Emma admitted.

_And it kills me. You’re so different from him, but I’m different now, too._

“Why would you think that? Your bravery is the first thing I noticed about you, and it’s the last thing you should have expected from me.”

_Story time._

“I was five when my mother told me about the soul bond. She said when she first met my dad, she couldn’t stand him. He was arrogant and too good-looking to be interested.”

_Killian’s got the arrogant jerk portion down nicely._

“He was engaged to another woman, but when my mom tried on the engagement ring she knew it would be hers. She felt it in her bones, Killian. My dad did, too.

“The next time they met, my father had the word ‘SNOW’ winding its way around his ring finger. The bond doesn’t create emotions, Lieutenant. It emphasizes those you already have.” Emma subconsciously clutched at her heart. “Don’t you stand here and pretend you don’t care for me. Don’t you dare do it, because I will not lose you. Not now. You have my trust and it’s not something I give freely, easily, or at all.”

“I didn’t ask for it!”

“You think I asked for this?”

“I think it’s embedded in you, Swan. You’re powerful and unstable.” Emma closed the few paces that separated them until she was close enough to feel his breath.

“You told me that, the first time we met.”

“Aye, I did.”

“You also said I was exceptional.”

“Perhaps I was lying.”

“No, Lieutenant, you don’t get to take that away from me!” She looked Killian in the eye and quietly said, “I am asking you to rescue me.”

_I need you to save me._

Then she turned on her heel and left.

.oOo.

Emma couldn’t pinpoint exactly when the darkness took over. It was some point as she walked up the stairs to her bedchamber, leaving Killian behind to face the crowds.

It wasn’t a blackout so much as a whiteout. Like Emma’s light magic was literally being thrown back in her face. It was too bright, but she couldn’t blink or squint it away. The darkness controlled her movements. Once again, she was a slave, powerless in her own body. Emma couldn’t see or hear anything, but she’d walked this way to her chamber thousands of times and knew it by step.

The trip to the balcony was unfamiliar, and Emma couldn’t figure out why she was heading there. When she realized the darkness’s intent, she was confused. Emma was perched on the balcony railing, her body threatening to jump off at any moment.

_We’re only four stories up—the fall wouldn’t necessarily kill me, would it? Or—oh. That’s it, then. I’m seriously injured and Killian has to take care of me_ again _. This isn’t about us, it’s about me. Killing me moment by moment._

An arm wrapped around her waist.

_Killian. You’re here. Of course you’re here—where else would you rather be than saving my ass_ again _?_

When he tried to pull Emma off the balcony edge, all hell broke loose. Princess Emma’s body screamed and ran her fingernails across the arm holding her waist. Killian gripped her tighter as her body kicked and tried to jump back over the side.

_NO! NO! I will not go! Don’t make me go!_

_Lieutenant—Killian—please help me out of this. I’m out of control! Just get me inside. Get me inside and I’ll … I’ll do anything. Just get me my body back._

Emma’s body lurched forward without her consent, hurtling once again toward the banister and away from her bedroom door. Killian would not let her go. Emma’s body tried to pull his arm off and wriggle out of his grip, but he did not budge. Emma felt relieved, but her body tensed, still unable to see or hear anything. She felt her mouth forming the words,

“NO! No! Let me go!”

Emma’s feet dragged, digging her boots into the ground as Killian pulled her into the bedroom. Had his mouth not been inches from Emma’s ear, she would’ve missed his grunted,

“Never,” As he pulled her inside and shut the door harder than was necessary. All Emma could see was blinding white light as she latched onto Killian, willing him not to let go. The dark intensity began to fade and she heard Mallory say,

“We heard screams.” Her mother gasped,

“What’s wrong with her eyes?”

_My eyes? I can’t see! That’s what’s wrong with them!_

Slowly, the room came into view. It was blurred, and white around the edges, but Emma knew she had to make a show of control no matter how false it was. She stood and looked at each of the small group in turn. Mallory, her parents, and Killian.

“I am fine. You may leave. This was all a misunderstanding,” Princess Emma smiled. Killian grabbed her hand and rubbed soothing circles on her wrist with his thumb.

_He knows I’m lying._

“Emma, are you sure you’ll be alright?” King David asked.

“Yeah, Dad. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Compared to this time yesterday, I’m fantastic!” She said, feigning enthusiasm. Neither of her parents looked convinced, so Killian nodded toward the door and said,

“It’s been a long day. The princess needs to rest now,” And he ushered them all out as they insisted Emma let them know should she need anything. He shut those doors and turned to Emma.

“Can you go one day, just one? Your parents never mentioned a proclivity for this sort of thing.”

_I don’t know. I don’t know if I can go a day. I don’t know if I can go an hour. Minutes ago you were dying, and I tried to save you but all I did was destroy myself._

Emma imagined her face must have betrayed her emotions because Killian wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. That was it—she lost control and sobbed into his chest. Between sniffles she said,

“I don’t—remember anything! I can’t—couldn’t see anything---Like I was possessed.--I don’t think I have—control—of my brain anymore.”

“Shh, love,” He patted her hair. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

“I trust you,” Emma whispered. For several minutes they stood there, Killian silently reassuring Emma it would “be okay.”

_How can you know? How can you promise me?_

“Emma, you remember what else I told you at the lake?” Killian asked. She nodded into his chest. “I said you were a survivor.” Killian grabbed the chain around his neck and draped it over Emma’s head. She lifted her head and pulled away enough to study the ring. It was definitely a man’s and had weathered many a stormy sea.

“It was my brother’s,” Killian explained. “I want you to keep it as a reminder that I’m here. Even if you can’t see next time that darkness creeps into your head, you can feel that I’m with you. I will be, I promise.”

_Why? Why are you here?_

_Did you just say you couldn’t live with someone like me?_

_What does that even mean?_

_You say you can’t love me, but this is the kindest, most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever done for me. I don’t want you to stop._

.oOo.

She spent more time with Killian asleep than awake, and Emma was starting to like him better that way. She changed into a nightgown and nestled into the sheets alongside Killian. He fell asleep quickly, and Emma took the time to really study him.

His skin was rather dry, which made for a rugged appearance, but he had a very boyish look about him. His hair, out of its usual ponytail, fanned out behind him. Killian had great lips, but she’d already experienced those firsthand.

More importantly, Killian had stories in his face—horror stories. Emma saw the beginnings of permanent worry lines even as his face slackened in sleep. His eyes shut just a little too tightly, but his lashes peeked out from beneath his eyelids, very long and beautiful contrary to his bushy eyebrows. which made him appear the slightest bit more masculine.

Emma closed her own eyes, then, not bothering to turn her head. If the pattern continued, she would wake up curled into Killian anyway. If anyone were to ask why she grabbed hold of his hand, she’d say force of habit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome.


	7. Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, so please forgive any spelling or grammar errors.

Breakfast the next morning was hell. King David had pulled Killian off for a little chat, probably wondering if he’d had sex with Emma.

_Goodness knows he’d never actually ask_ me _._

Which really bothered her. That her parents would think she was the kind of lady to have sex with a man, albeit very attractive and comparatively low-ranked, after such little time. It had taken ages to get to that point with Neal. It hadn’t even been in their part of Misthaven. They were visiting King Midas when it happened the first time. Being surrounded by so much luxe and excess took its toll.

Emma wanted to take it slowly with Killian. She would need to take it slowly for her own sake, even if Killian seemed much happier progressing in that part of their relationship. Emma understood that—he’d been out of the romance game for awhile and told her himself he wasn’t eager to jump back in.

They were served, along with their respected guests who sat between their majesties and Emma and Killian. They included the royal family of Arendelle, who would be officially welcomed with a ball in five days’ time. Emma had always liked Queen Elsa, which made it all the more awkward when Queen Snow began a very unsubtle line of questioning.

“Are you happy to be back in Misthaven, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, your highness.”

“Snow, please,” She insisted.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you finding your,  _accommodations_  adequate?”

_Mom, seriously? Accommodations? He spends most of his time on a ship. Dry land and a bed are a step up. Just ask what you want to ask._

“I’ve never imagined finer sheets in my wildest dreams, your majesty.”

“Are you happy to be with Emma?” She prodded. The following line of thought flowed through Emma’s mind:

_Are you happy to be_ with _Emma._

_Are you happy to be in bed with Emma?_

_Do you want to sleep with Emma?_

_Are you sleeping with Emma?_

_How are things progressing with your soulmate, Lieutenant?_

_Are you thinking a spring or a summer wedding?_

“Mother, please,” Emma sighed. Killian replied,

“Aye, I am very happy she has,” He shifted uncomfortably. “Elected to share the burden.”

“Share the burden?” King David asked. Killian sighed.

_Nice turn of phrase there, Killian. They’re definitely not gonna question that._

“Neither of us is thrilled to be forced into this position.”

_Why are you being so candid this early in the morning?_

“Not that it’s a burden,” Emma amended, reaching for her cup of cocoa.

“You’ve had a change of heart, Swan,” Killian muttered.

_No, Killian, I’m just not going to out our problems, romantic or otherwise, to my parents and the entirety of Arendelle’s royal family._

“More like a change of mind,” Queen Snow injected. “Your heart’s always been in the right place.”

“Mom, if you could please just stay out of it—“

“If you would just talk to us, Emma—“

“He’s here, alright?” Emma said a little too loudly. Elsa looked at her and knowingly raised an eyebrow. Ana continued to devour her first course while Kristoff sent Killian empathetic glances.

“Killian is here because I need him here. Dad,” Emma glanced at King David. “He’s a true gentleman. I mean it. There’s nothing physical between us.” What a lie. Everything between them was physical, if not romantic. She returned her gaze to Queen Snow. “Mom, we aren’t you.”

_Ain’t that the truth._

“I’ve saved him, he’s saved me and that’s all. We are surviving. We’re not in love. I don’t love him.”

_Not yet, anyway. And not ever if you keep pestering him over pancakes!_

Killian grabbed Emma’s hand.

“Apologies, your majesties, but Princess Emma and I are leaving now.”

“Leaving?” King David asked. Emma stared at Killian quizzically. Killian grabbed her hand and said,

“Yes, leaving.”

Emma did not go quietly. The further outside the castle they went, the more she pulled away. Killian always managed to grab her and pull her back, until they reached the carriages. Emma finally huffed and settled inside, decidedly not talking to Killian the entire ride.

.oOo.

The longer they stood staring at the calm water, the angrier Emma became.

_Who are you to try and control me like that? Taking me away from breakfast, away from my home, so we can take a look at yours._

Which, Emma knew was unfair. He’d been bouncing around from place to place for goodness knows how many years. Probably his whole life, because he said his father abandoned him on a ship. So it really was what he knew. Suddenly, he’s part of a royal family whether he wanted to be or not. He’s attached to Emma, whether he wanted to be or not.

Emma crossed her arms and tensed, staring at the water bathed in golden sunlight. She felt rather than saw Killian glance at her. Finally, he asked,

“Why are you so tense, Princess?”

“It feels like if I don’t move at all, nothing bad can happen.”

“Yeah, it’s calming, isn’t it?”

“I can see why you love it.”

“I do.”

“It’s really all I know about you,” Emma admitted. “Everything is water.”

“It’s all you need to know,” Killian quipped in return. She sighed.

“I don’t need to tell you anything about me. What you don’t know, you could probably guess.”

“Aye, I probably could,” Killian agreed.

“Alright, so ask me a question,” Princess Emma said. Killian raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Any question. One question.”

“Right, then …” Killian trailed off, clearly thinking very hard. Finally, he said, “Why do they call you Emma Swan?”

“Hah!” Princess Emma laughed aloud. “All the questions you could’ve asked.”

“As you said, Princess, much else I can guess.”

“It’s a nickname,” She shrugged. “My parents are the Charmings; it’s kind of their thing. I’m just Emma. My father used to call me several things. Nugget, angel, pumpkin … Swan stuck.” Killian smiled,

“It’s nice to see you can be a bit normal.”

“I am totally normal. So normal,” Emma contested.

“Right. Getting captured by a siren, going catatonic, and re-splitting a soul bond with your light magic while battling inner darkness. I forgot, you’re totally normal,” Killian laughed. Emma smiled.

“I suppose you’re right. What about you, then?”

“What about what?” Killian asked. Emma turned to face him and said,

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.’ She stuck out her right arm and Killian mimicked the gesture. Emma’s fell back to her side and Killian followed suit.

“You know, it was the first thing I noticed,” She admitted. “I saw her name and I knew, I knew I’d be your second.”

“As I am yours,” Killian said. Emma nodded.

“Of course, but it felt different. How could I possibly live up to someone you chose willingly? You are stuck with me, whether we want to admit it or not.”

“Emma, I couldn’t be rid of you if I tried. I’m fine with it, I’m fine with you. I actually quite enjoy you.”

_Could have fooled me._

“When you need me to be brave, I’ll be it because I feel your need in my blood. You are with me every waking moment.”

“So tell me about her.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you owe me that!”

“You’ve told me nothing about your former … Partner.” Killian grimaced at the word, like it was a bad taste. In which it was. She knew her expression was similar.

“Honesty hour, then?”

“Ladies first,” Killian insisted. Princess Emma sighed.

_Might as well._

“His name was Neal. We were happy together for awhile, until he learned I had magic. I don’t even remember how it happened, it was so benign. Then he grew distant and closed off. It was like he didn’t want me to know much about him, like I could use his weaknesses against him.

“Eventually, it became clear he wasn’t my soulmate. It would have manifested very early on, and it hadn’t. Knowing you—well, not you personally, but that another man was out there for me, really got to him. As it should have, I guess. I mean, why stay with someone when you know there isn’t a future?”

“Aye, that … That’s a question,” Killian stuttered. Emma carried on,

“Eventually he asked me whether I would ever consider giving up my magic for him. If he could find a way, would I give it up?”

“Then you tossed him out your window, yeah?” Killian asked. Emma laughed and wiped away a tear that had begun to escape.

_When did I start crying?_

“Or did you think it would be okay to give it up?”

“I considered it. It would mean I’d be free to choose him. Choice, Lieutenant, is something I want above pretty much everything else. But then I realized not having a happy ending is terrible, and giving someone unrealistic expectations is far worse.

“My parents, fate, everyone believes my happy ending is you, so I would have given you up before even meeting you. I told Neal I wouldn’t disappoint him anymore. Then I told him my magic is part of me and he needed to respect that or get out of my life entirely.”

“And he did,” Killian guessed.

“And he did,” Emma confirmed. Killian wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Emma buried her face in his side, which was becoming habit, it seemed.

“Milah was my first love, that’s true. Five years ago, when I was nineteen, I was still running away from my brother’s death.”

_What’s that? A story for another day, perhaps …_

“I blamed myself and ran into Milah in a tavern while drowning myself in rum. She was ten years older, but somehow things happened; I buried myself in her.”

_Poor phrasing, Killian. Bad form!_

“We were together after that for a long time. Well, a few months, at least. It felt like the longest, best time I could have had. I didn’t feel I deserved anything and Milah was able to love me in spite of that.

“I loved her and she felt like … I thought maybe she could give me a home. We could be together, be happy. She wouldn’t do it, though. Milah was manipulating me from the start. I did everything for her, anything she wanted. She wouldn’t commit to me and, eventually, I found out she had a husband and a son.”

“Oh, Killian!”

“She, um, she was using me.” He paused then, for awhile. His eyes glossed over like he was remembering the moment he found out. “It was heartbreaking because she’d told me all about how strong I was to overcome loss and abandonment and it was really … She considered it toward the end, I think. But taking her away from her family would mean condemning them to a fate I endured, and that was unacceptable. She loved me when I thought nobody else could.”

_Well, I could._

“And if that’s the type of person I attract, what’s the use in loving anymore?”

_That’s exactly what I thought after Neal left._

“My parents would tell you no goodness will come of apathy.”

“What would you tell me?” Killian asked.

“I’d tell you I know how hard it is to move on. Moving on from someone is difficult, even if they made you want to forget everything you love about yourself.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

“But it is.”

“Why is it?” Killian looked at Princess Emma with pain in his eyes. “I look at you and you’re this gorgeous, ethereal princess whom the fates have destined me to fall in love with.”

_Gorgeous and ethereal?_

_Neal always said I was beautiful, but … Ethereal?_

_I’m not some delicate flower in need of protection._

Emma thought for a moment.

_But how could he see me any other way when all he’s ever had to do is rescue me from myself?_

“How can I possibly be mad?” He continued. “You are everything I can and should want. You understand my past—what I’ve told you anyway—and have a loving family. Not to mention actual light magic.”

_Yeah, what is keeping you from me? Enlighten me._

“But when I look at you, all that is clouded by fear. I’m so afraid that if I give myself to you, it’s going to be Milah all over again.”

_But I’ve been through it, too. You know I’d never do that to someone else._

“You could leave me, lie to me, try to control me, and it’s so difficult to trust you knowing the power you have.”

“That’s almost exactly what Neal said,” Emma replied, looking away. Killian grabbed her face in his hands and forced her gaze toward him. Emma wanted desperately to look away from those adamantine blue eyes, but she couldn’t. Emma would give him whatever he needed in order to earn his faith.

“I need you to look at me and promise me you’re never going to do that.” Emma took a deep breath and said,

“I promise I will never try to control you.” Killian dropped his hands.

“Thank you, Emma.”

“The funny thing is, I never would have thought to do it,” She said after awhile. “You said I’m under your skin and I am not leaving. I don’t have to use magic for you to understand what I want.”

“Aye, that’s a fair point.”

“I’m just disappointed,” She admitted.

“Disappointed?”

“You’re frightened of me, of my magic.”

“Bloody hell, love, of course not!”

“But you made me promise—“

“All I’ve seen you do is fight against the darkness, Swan. That’s amazing, and you need powerful magic to do it. I’m glad you’ve got it, otherwise I would’ve lost you. But I don’t know you well enough to know with all certainty that you wouldn’t manipulate me somehow. It’s the one thing Milah did, hiding her family from me, that made me hate her. It changed the way I see the world, Emma.”

“I just don’t want it to change the way you see me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome!


	8. Part VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, again, so please forgive any grammar mistakes or spelling errors.

“Swan, I promise I will never see you as anything less than you are,” Killian said before turning away as though he’d revealed more than he intended. Emma was about to say something when her vision went white.

_Not now._

_Please, not now._

_Can we not—_

Her body kicked off her shoes, threw off her jacket, and ran to the end of the pier.

She jumped into the water and Emma gave up. She allowed the darkness and the water to swallow her, chilling her blood until she was sure her veins were ice.

_What’s the point? Why can’t I do what Killian tried and just die so he can choose someone else?_

Her parents’ voices intruded on her inner monologue.

_That’s not what this family does, Emma. We save each other._

Emma felt a stream of air bubbles begin to flow from her mouth. She estimated she was twenty-or-so feet below the surface, unsure just how deep it was. Couldn’t be too deep as they were so close to shore. She fought desperately to regain control of her limbs—arms or legs, she didn’t much care which. Emma only wanted to get to the surface, but she had no control. Just as she was about to run out of air, a familiar arm grabbed her midsection and pulled her toward the surface.

_Faster, Killian._

_I’m running out of air._

His grip loosened and he fumbled her momentarily, but caught her by the arm and practically flung her above the surface. Emma didn’t start kicking. She was breathing, but her vision was still white like she was staring into the sun. Killian surfaced next to her, muttering something like, “Why can’t we have one damn normal day?”

When it became obvious Emma wasn’t treading water, Killian muttered,

“Bloody hell,” and dragged / escorted Emma back to the pier, tossing her up with little finesse.

Emma couldn’t see anything.

_Am I condemned to this now?_

_Please._

_Please take it away. I just want to see. I just want to be normal._

_Can’t we have one day?_

Suddenly Killian was shaking her forcefully.

“Swan? Swan! Princess!” He sighed. “Dammit, Emma, you are coming back to me.” Killian sounded like something caught in his throat, like he was holding back tears.

_Oh no, you are not doing that. Don’t you dare cry over me while I can hear you, just bring me back you sentimental bastard._

Soon he was pressing on her chest and water she hadn’t realized was in her lungs came splashing out of her mouth as she jackknifed upward. Killian patted her gently on the back and hugged her ‘round the waist, resting his chin on her shoulder until her vision returned and she could hug him back.

“Stop this, love. Please, stop this.”

.oOo.

Emma angrily wrung out her hair before pulling it back into a ponytail. She’d dressed in her warmest clothes: pants, wool socks, and a sweater made of the finest threads in a far-away kingdom that was at least three sizes too big.

_Guards? Guards?! That’s their solution? Guards on the balcony and guards outside my bedchamber. Guards to escort me everywhere I go. I wonder if that’s for them to protect me from harm or merely to give Killian a break._

She kicked her bed and screamed into a pillow before throwing it back on the bed in frustration. She was feeling an anger that wasn’t her own. Emma went back to pacing around her room.

_How do you break a curse? Well, I could talk to whoever cursed me, but something tells me they’re not willing to cure me. How else?_

_There has to be another way to—_

_Oh._

_True love’s kiss! When Mom was in the Netherworld, she only came out with true love’s kiss. Is that where the curse keeps taking me? A Netherworld?_

The doors were flung open and Killian stormed through. Emma stopped pacing and stared at him.

“Need to hit something?” He asked. Emma nodded and asked,

“You too?” Killian nodded in reply. Emma made her way over to him, then, stopping only when they were two feet apart. She felt his anger turn into something else, something … needier. A wanton smirk worked its way across his face and Emma took a step backward because as much as she’d like to know where _that_ led, it was not the time.

Then Killian bowed and held out his hand.

“May I have this dance?”

Emma raised an eyebrow and hesitantly took his hand.

“There’s no music,” She observed.

“Don’t need any,” Killian muttered, pulling Emma closer. “The waltz, milady. You know of it?”

“Of course.”

_Of course I know how to waltz, you idiot. Eight-year-old me could waltz circles around you—_

Killian made his part of the frame, left hand holding Emma’s and his right splayed across the center of her back. They’d been closer than this, much closer in proximity. They’d slept under the same sheets, but the defined space between them introduced a new tension—one Emma wouldn’t allow the darkness to enter.

“Shall we dance?” Killian asked. Emma nodded and they began to leisurely sway around the room.

_Okay, you’re rather good._

Emma was immediately suspicious.

“Your mother seems to think I will require dancing lessons before accompanying you to our first ball together.”

_Yes, to welcome the Arendelle royal family. It’s only a few days from now, but somehow I think you’ll manage._

“Where did you learn to dance, Lieutenant?” Emma asked.

“One day, Swan, I’ll tell you all about my life of crime.”

“No, really. Tell me,” She demanded. Killian continued leading her in small circles around the bedchamber, not breaking eye contact and not saying a word for several minutes. It wasn’t as awkward as Emma imagined it would be. All she had to do was follow along as Killian tried to pry what she was really asking from her expression. It gave her time to observe. His arms, the frame, never faltered. His hair was out of its ponytail and still a bit damp like he’d just gotten out of a shower. His footwork was quite good, and Emma imagined that came from years of sword fighting. She wondered just how many realms he’d been to, what things he’d been able to see and do that she hadn’t. It was remarkable how wholly she felt he belonged in the palace, belonged with her in the palace. While he wasn’t in his naval uniform or typical royal garb, he still looked like he should be exactly where he was.

Finally, Killian said,

“In the first four years after my falling out with Milah, I lived in several different kingdoms. Everyone has different customs, but everyone has galas and everyone needs to learn to dance. I had a young, very pretty lass teach me the basics. Quite handsy, that one,” At which Emma _accidentally_ stepped on his toes.

“Oi, love! Alright, apologies.” They continued making their way around the room, slowly, then back again. “Then I’d make my way, teaching dances to anyone who wanted lessons. Rum costs money, Swan. I had to make a living.”

“Quite smart, actually,” She replied. Killian smiled,

“You think so?” Emma nodded.

“I haven’t felt the darkness anywhere for awhile,” She admitted.

“Figured this might take your mind off it, Swan. I just want you to be well. Depending on me to look after you isn’t how either one of us envisions our future together, I think.”

“You want a future together?” Emma asked.

_Say yes and it’s done. I’ll do my best to make this home one you won’t want or have to leave._

Killian rolled his eyes,

“Emma, I don’t know how long you’re going to keep marching me in circles around this. Aye, I have feelings for you. Strange, unknowable feelings. Soulbonded feelings. We should change the subject, as I need something to calm me down before I run back to the throne room and demand more answers about this bloody mess.”

_More answers? You’ve gotten answers? From_ my _parents? They won’t tell me a thing about us. Only the true love nonsense I’ve been hearing my entire life._

_Maybe it’s not nonsense._

_That’s why I keep coming out of it! Oh! Because the soul bond is true love, whether either of us wanted it to be. So to break the curse, we just have to be in love._

_Well, that’s not going to happen. Not for awhile. Especially if I keep putting Killian in these dangerous situations. He’s more liable to fall out of love than he is in it. Unless … What’s that Mom said when I complained about my fate?_

_Believing in the possibility of true love is a very powerful thing?_

_Could that be enough? Just make Killian believe we could enjoy being together—_

“Are you calm?” Emma asked. Killian’s eyes narrowed. He licked his lips and moved both his hands to her waist and pulled her close.

“No, love. I am most definitely not calm.”

“Tell me something.”

“Anything.”

“Why didn’t you fight for Milah if you loved her so much?” Emma asked. Killian shrugged.

“I hoped there was someone out there who would love me better. Choose me over anyone else.” Killian smiled wistfully. “I suppose it didn’t work out quite as planned.”

“Would you fight for me?”

“Against the darkness, against a siren, against another kingdom, but never to force your hand, Swan. I would never do that to you.”

_I believe you._

“But a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets. I will do what it takes to deserve you.”

_Promise?_

Emma’s hand found the back of Killian’s neck and pulled him closer, the word getting lost in her mouth. This kiss was much slower than their last as they wordlessly agreed to accept the hand fate had dealt. Killian realized this and cupped the back of Princess Emma’s head, like he was trying to pull her even closer. Like he couldn’t be close enough unless he was feeling every inch of her skin against his own. Killian kissed Emma like he wanted to stay just like that for ages, Emma lounging against him, moving like she knew each of his nerves and pressure points. Her free hand twined itself in the one remaining on her waist—then everything changed.

There was a spark. Not at all unpleasant, but different. Like Emma couldn’t let go. Like Killian was the best warmth she would ever feel and the world would be cold without his touch. Emma pulled away then, Killian’s face mirroring her own.

Emma felt her eyes widen as a realization coursed through her.

_A curse?_

_A Netherworld?_

_Darkness?_

_A purple crown?_

_The daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming?_

Emma leapt into Killian’s arms and quickly kissed him again. She pulled back forcefully and mumbled,

“Oh! Oh, that witch!” Which to Killian’s ears must have sounded like a scream, but Emma felt so much anger. Anger at herself that she hadn’t figured it out right away. Anger at her parents for not taking care of the problem when they could have. And anger at the person who had harmed her without cause.

She began making her way toward the throne room, nearly slipping on the smooth stairs in her socks as a couple guards broke rank to follow her. Killian, right behind, asking,

“Emma! Emma! Swan, what is going on?”

“I know who cursed me,” She shouted over her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome.


	9. Part IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas!! It's nearing 4 AM on Christmas Day, but I had to finish this piece. It's hardly edited, not beta-ed, etc.

Emma was several things. She was mostly angry, but she felt betrayed and bitter and disappointed. Killian didn’t seem to be feeling much of anything, which was a blessing because Emma could not handle trying to figure him out at that moment.

She stormed down to the throne room with calculated purpose, stopping only to remove something from a hidden closet on the second floor. Killian began pestering her with stubbornly concerned questions.

“Emma, are you going to be alright?”

“Will you at least tell me what’s going on?”

“In a minute,” Emma quipped as she came to rest in front of her parents. Everyone else bowed or curtsied, but Emma did not. It wasn’t a requirement, per se, but her father did take notice. She glared at him, betrayed mostly by his blindness.

“Rise,” King David commanded, and Killian straightened his spine. Emma turned to a guard and said,

‘I’m thirsty. Get Mallory and a cup of hot chocolate for me.” The guard immediately set off for the kitchen. Emma adjusted her ponytail and stood straighter, her posture emulating her sense of control, though she was pulsating with rage.

“You are my parents and I love you, but sometimes you are too trusting for anyone’s good,” She said.

“You look much better,” King David replied.

“Yes. I am better.”

_And bitter._

“You did it?” Queen Snow asked.

“He did it.” Emma nodded toward Killian. He mother went misty-eyed and rose from her seat to take Killian into a hug.

“Congratulations!” She smiled like it was the greatest thing she could’ve asked for. As though Emma could do nothing to make her prouder, and neither could Killian.

_Because true love is the most important thing no matter how many problems it causes or people it hurts. That’s crap!_

Killian mouthed, “Swan?” Over the queen’s shoulder, asking for answers. Emma shook her head and mouthed, “Lather,” in reply.

“Could someone tell me what’s going on, please?” Killian asked.

“You don’t—“ Queen Snow began, but Emma raised a hand.

“Silence.”

Queen Snow looked so stunned she took a step back. King David stood and said,

“Emma Swan, you will not speak to your mother—“

“This is your fault!” Emma said. Instinctively, her urge was to shout and pull her hair out and express her frustration by throwing things across the room. But years of royal refinement taught her cold calculation was the most authoritative, frightening exterior. She wanted everyone to know she was in charge.

“This is your fault,” Emma repeated emphatically. “You knew Regina wanted revenge and allowed her freedom anyway. You knew!”

“Emma, there is no way Regina could have cursed you. We would have noticed if she had entered the castle,” King David insisted.

“But you didn’t,” Emma replied. “You didn’t because you had the fairies put protection spells on every entrance except the servants’ quarters.”

_Because Regina would never deign to sneak in through servants’ housing._ _How unfamiliar you must be with the desperation of revenge._

“They would have told us if Regina snuck in,” Her mother said.

“Unless it wasn’t her. Unless it was a young lady who had lost her family and had nowhere to go. Unless we welcomed her into service with open arms. Unless she tricked us this entire time, having access to all the ingredients she could ask for. Unless she became my most trusted maid.”

_Because you gave me Mallory. You_ gave _her to me. You insisted I was the honour and she would be privileged to have my trust. All you did was hand me over to the darkness because you were too trusting of those in need._

The guard returned with Mallory in tow, clutching a steaming cup of cocoa.

_You manipulative, heartless bitch._

“Your highnesses,” Mallory curtsied. She looked to Emma and was met with stony eyes.

“Drink it,” She demanded. Mallory, apparently, looked at her, confused.

“It’s for you, Princess.”

“Drink it,” Emma commanded. A mischievous smirk crossed Mallory’s features.

_That’s right, Regina. I know. Come out and play._

“You were very slow,” She said. A plume of purple smoke began at her feet and grew until it engulfed her wholly. When it dissipated, what remained could hardly be classified as evil or regal. Emma was hit with a pang of pity, before remembering that both she and Killian and her parents had almost died because of this woman.

Her clothes were black and purple with tight leather that might have accentuated curves when she had them. She just looked sunken—defeated. Her hair fell limply over her shoulders and her eyes looked nothing short of dead. But something about her indicated she wasn’t willing to give up, even though Emma was no longer cursed.

_Power can be borne of desperation, and it comes in the lowliest of packages._

“Regina?” Queen Snow asked. King David had stepped down and placed himself between Emma’s mother and Regina.

_I wonder if Killian would instinctively do that for me?_

Emma cast the thought aside, though she kept a solid watch on Killian out of the corner of her eye. The guards weren’t yet required to protect him. If he were made a target—

“Are you happy now?” Regina asked Queen Snow, her breath going heavy. “You see what you’ve done to me.”

“You brought this on yourself, Regina,” King David said. But Regina’s eyes remained on Snow as though she hadn’t heard.

“Can’t you see now, Regina? Using true love to ruin someone’s life only makes them stronger,” Snow said, echoing the pity Emma felt initially.

“That, I know.” Regina smiled wickedly and a fireball appeared in her hand. Her father further shielded her mother, quickly backpedaling. But Regina’s act was flawed. She was performing the motions and the magic, but her motivation was hollow. All the hand-waving couldn’t disguise that level of apathy.

_This is my show_.

Then Regina turned her gaze to Killian.

_Hell no._

Before anyone could react, Emma was in front of Killian with her own glowing ball of light radiating from her palm.

“Don’t push me, Princess,” Regina warned.

“Don’t test me,” Emma countered.

“Don’t you want to know how I did it?”

_It’s the hot chocolate, don’t take me for a fool._

“I know,” Emma said. The guards began to converge, then, but were thrown back by an invisible barrier. None of them were able to reach Regina.

“What do you plan to do about it?” She taunted, though it was obviously very taxing for her. Emma wrapped her fingers around the portal bean and withdrew it from her pocket.

“I have been on a few adventures. As it turns out, I know a guy.”

_Oz._

_Oz._

_Oz._

Emma thought it repeatedly as she threw the portal bean to the other side of the throne room.

“His name is Tiny,” Emma said before turning to Killian. “Get back!” She shouted at him.

_If you die, I will go to the Underworld and kill you again myself._

“Swan?”

“Get back, I’ve got this!” She shouted. “Ask for forgiveness, Regina. Give up the darkness and I call off the portal,” Emma continued.

“No!” Regina responded, a fireball appearing in her hand. She turned to face Queen Snow and King David, who stepped forward to further cover his wife.

“You can be a good person, Regina. People are going to tell you who you are for the rest of your life. You will always be the Evil Queen unless you fight against that and say, ‘No, this is who I am!’” Emma said. “I know that, and I know you know. Without dark magic you are a good person. Give it up and we will forgive you.”

_They’ll forgive you. I will never forgive you for bringing me to the lowest point._

“You know nothing, Emma,” Regina said, almost disgusted. “You only got a taste of what I can do.”

“And you know nothing about what I am capable of. The power you have? I don’t need.” Regina smiled maliciously and said,

“You don’t know the power I have,” before returning her gaze to Killian and raising her hand with the fireball. Queen Snow reached over her husband’s shoulder, then held onto him like she was about to collapse.

“Please, Regina. We can help you; we will help you! You can be the good person I know you were once!” Snow pleaded. Regina scowled in return.

“You think I want _your_ help doing anything ever again? You ruined my life! You took love away from me, and since I can’t return the favour, I’ll take it from her,” Regina said and threw a fireball in Killian’s direction.

_Like hell, you will!!_

White light flew from Emma’s hands and deflected it, though Killian ducked reflexively.

“Are you alright, Emma?” He asked, but she did not hear.

“You brought this on yourself,” Emma said as the plume of green smoke finally reached Regina and wrapped around her middle. Regina went limp then, completely defeated. Regina appeared as hollow and irrelevant as she felt. Her final attempt at revenge failed. Emma’s hands fell to her hips and she watched as Regina was pulled into the portal.

_Have fun in Oz, witch!_

Emma’s parents were consoling each other, so she ordered the palace guards to rid the cellar of all the sweet ingredients and replace them immediately regardless of cost. They obeyed immediately, running in that direction.  

Killian couldn’t do anything except catch his breath, running a hand through his hair. Emma turned to face him and he ran toward her.

“Oi, love, you are magnificent,” He said, wrapping her in a hug. Blushing, she returned the hug and said,

“I didn’t want you to see it like that.”

“What?”

“Light magic. That’s not what it is about.”

“Corralling darkness isn’t what it’s about? Well, I value my life so we’ll call it fair play,” Killian joked, pulling back just enough to look at her.

“I wanted to show you the little things. You know, turn your hair colours or make your boots lace themselves up. Or tie themselves together so you fall over …” Emma laughed. A real one, and Killian smiled.

“Where’d you send the remainder of your audience?” He asked.

“Downstairs to throw away all the hot chocolate ingredients. Then they’ll be out to buy more.”

“You have a sweet tooth, Emma Swan.”

“I do.”

“And, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a bit of a soft spot for me. Jumping in to save me from danger like that, love,” Killian teased, smirking.

“Of course I do,” Emma replied.

“How did you do it?” Killian asked. “Break the curse, I mean. You are free, now, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you like this.”

_I’ll answer that later._

“Like what?”

“I dunno, love. Happy? Free?”

“I feel free,” Emma smiled. “The only person I should need to save me is me.”

_Not in your soulmate job description._

“I don’t mind doing it every now and then, but it’ll be nice to have a break,” Killian said, smiling, before pressing his lips to hers in a chaste, happy kiss. They broke apart and Emma’s parents smiled at them, Snow a little sadly.

“Congratulations,” She said again. “I’m so glad to see you happy.”

“What’s going on?” Killian asked. “I’m still not understanding what happened.”

“True love’s kiss can break any curse, Lieutenant,” Kind David added. Killian dropped his arms from around Emma and took a step backward. He shut down. Emma couldn’t feel anything from him. Her mouth fell open a bit in confusion.

_Do you not love me? Was it a mistake? How can it be a mistake? You believe in the possibility otherwise I’d still be dark._

_Oh no. I’ve misread it. I’ve misread him all along. There’s something else. There must be, or maybe I’m just not good enough. Was he put off by my power display? Of course he was. No man wants a woman who is unimaginably more powerful than he is—not to mention he’s already lower than me on the throne. Technically._

_But Killian’s not like that._

_He’s not._

_So why isn’t he happy he freed me from the darkness? I just banished our most powerful enemy because she threatened him. This is how he repays me?_

_This is awful. How could I have misjudged him? This feels like Neal all over again! Why was I so blind?_

“Emma—“ Killian reached for her, but Princess Emma turned her back to him and strode outside to her favourite nook. It was shaded from the afternoon sunlight, so the wall was cool as she leaned against it. Emma made her hands into sweater paws when she realized,

_It’s not me at all! It’s Milah! It’s that damn bar bitch. Even with a soul bond, I’m still coming in second to her. Am I that shameful? Is he ashamed of me? What else could it be? What’s holding him back? Is he even open to the possibility of moving on or am I condemned to a life with that woman hanging onto every word, every thought in our relationship?_

_Regardless, he’ll always have that tattoo._

_I’ll always have that tattoo._

_We’ll always have a reminder._

_I’m waiting, Killian._

He did, minutes later, approaching her with trepidation.

“Princess Emma?”

“We’re back to ‘Princess,’ are we?” Emma quipped.

“You’ve always been princess, love.”

“Oh, it’s love now? You seem to go back and forth on that quite a bit, Lieutenant.”

“Back to ‘Lieutenant,’ are we?” Killian said.

_‘Princess?’ You play with the bon mots you toss, Killian._

“You know what you are to me,” Emma said.

“Aye, I know what you think of me.”

“Killian,” Emma pleaded, and she could feel her angry façade wilting. “I know what you’ve done for me, you’ve told me what you’ve been through, what you’ve done. For all of it, I love you!”

_Oh, no. Oh no, no. That shouldn’t have come out._

Killian clearly didn’t take well to it.

“How can you?! How can you possibly?” He was angry now.

_Why can’t you understand I have no choice? I have to love you, dammit! If I don’t love you, my hope with everyone else is lost. You are my best chance at happiness. I’ve told you this. Why can’t you see?_

“Because you—“

“Did what I felt I had to do. What I needed to do, Emma. I needed to save you for my own good. I do like you Emma, I promise. But you can’t rush this,” Killian gestured between the two of them. “I’ve never had anyone, Emma. No one’s ever just been there because they wanted to be.

“The only person who ever cared was my brother, Liam. And he did it out of familial responsibility.”

_Isn’t that why everyone cares for family? Familial responsibility? It doesn’t mean he didn’t love you, Killian. I’m certain he did. Someone as determined as you? How could he not?_

“I lost him, it was my fault he’s dead, and I’ll carry that the rest of my life. The idea anyone would want to be with me after that, Emma—“

“But I do!” Emma insisted.

_Why is this not enough for you?_

“No, you have to be with me.”

_Yes, but_

“I want to be.”

Killian sighed, frustrated.

“It’s going to take some time for me to understand that. It’s going to take time for me to feel that because I’ve spent twenty-four years knowing otherwise,” He said. Emma shook her head in disbelief, her fingers curling over the ends of her sweater as she began biting a thumbnail, deep in thought.

“I just … I just don’t understand,” She finally said. “You can say these things, and I know you love me because otherwise I’d still be cursed. Or, at least, you’ll love me eventually. I shouldn’t doubt it, but it’s hard for me to believe it anyway. You are stuck with me, Killian, and I don’t know how you can prove to me you’ve gotten over that,” She admitted.

“God, Emma, that’s not what this is.”

_Then what is it? TELL ME!_

“Well I don’t know if I can trust you, if you can’t find it in you to trust me.”

“I will, Emma. With time, I promise I will do my best.”

_Time? Time is what you need?_

Silence. Killian shifted awkwardly, but waited for Emma to respond. It took ages to form a response. In the end, it was a subject change because she couldn’t continue down their prior path.

“Are we always going to be like this?” Killian did not respond.

“Aren’t we always going around in circles? I’m under your skin, you’re in my head, but neither of us are there. Like … _there_.”

“But we’ll both get there, right? We’ll both get there,” Killian asked. Emma thought that was a ridiculous question. One more appropriate for Killian to be asking himself than her. But Emma nodded.

“Okay, love, promise me you’ll get there,” Killian insisted.

_How stupid are you? How many times must I say it? I said I love you and I mean it._

“I love you, Killian,” Emma began, reminding him again that she was so close to being _there_. “And I promise eventually I will trust your love for me.”

Killian nodded. He paced a bit, thinking. Seriously considering something, and Emma was desperate to know what it was.

Finally, Killian took a sharp breath in, exhaled, and held out his right arm.

“Take it,” He said. Emma looked at him quizzically.

“What?”

“I can prove to you I’m at least ready to move on. So take it,” Killian said, nodding toward the tattoo on his forearm. Emma’s eyes widened in realization.

“I don’t know what will happen if I try,” She admitted.

_I’ve never done this before. I don’t even know if I can do this without setting fire to your arm. It may turn green, for all I know._

Killian replied,

“I can take it.”

“I’ll have to magically burn it off,” She continued.

_If I kill you, I’ll never be able to live with myself._

_How can you put this much trust in me and not admit you’re in love with me? Is it just the word?_

“Emma, for the love of all that is fate could you please just do as I ask before I change my mind?” Which, as seconds ticked on, seemed more of a serious likelihood. Emma grabbed Killian’s wrist rather forcefully and Killian stiffened.

“Do it, love.”

“If it gets to be too much, just walk away,” Emma said.

“Do it,” Killian insisted through clenched teeth.

Emma stared at his arm with intense concentration, narrowing her eyes and scrunching her nose, thinking about his skin.

_I love his skin. It’s so dry and rugged, peppered with scars from various sailing incidents. Every part of him tells a story, and I just want to erase this one from memory._

_Okay, Emma, you can do this. You’re a powerful badass. You’ve got this. Now just … erase it._

Emma thought about the dagger. She thought about the pain Milah had caused him and the pain it caused her. The pain of Killian being unable to open up and fully accept her. Soon, the dagger was gone and Killian ripped his arm from her grip. Emma stumbled back a couple steps, surprised, as Killian walked away to pace and shake his arm. He repeatedly balled his hand, flexing his forearm, trying to ease the pain.

After a few minutes, he returned and once again offered his arm. He sucked a breath in through his teeth and demanded,

“Again.”

Emma took his hand quickly and began work on the heart. The pain was obviously immense. Killian’s arm was red where the dagger once was, and sweat formed on his brow and in the crease of his elbow. His fingernails dug into his palm and Emma regretted she couldn’t make it go faster.

Once the heart was halfway removed, Emma’s concentration began to waver. The magic was so intense, her right arm began to burn. She could feel what she was doing to Killian and her hand wavered. It almost felt like the skin on her right arm was boiling. Like small bubbles would appear on the surface.

Before the removal was finalized, Killian collapsed on the ground, his breathing heavy and labored.

Emma knelt on the ground next to him.

“We can stop,” She said gently, but Killian shook his head.

“No,” He forced out. “Finish it.” The only remainder was the “Milah” script. Emma looked Killian in the eyes and asked, unspoken, if he was sure. Killian closed his eyes and nodded.

Emma decided to remove it in one blow. She waved her hand over _Milah_ , and made a fist like she was physically pulling the name from his skin.

Then it was gone.

She Killian glanced down and his arm and it was nearly purple, swollen to almost twice its size. He breathed heavily, slumped, and rested his head on Emma’s shoulder. She cupped the back of his head and kissed his forehead.

_I could get used to this. Not causing you pain, but comforting you._

“Thank you,” She said. Killian could do nothing but nod. Finally, he said,

“Your tattoo we can keep.” Emma laughed and replied,

“Good, because I don’t think I could do that to myself.”

“I’d never let you,” Killian replied.

Then there was kissing.

Killian initiated it, but Emma quickly took the lead as it was evident he was in no state to move anything but his lips. (And his tongue when appropriate.) It was all rather lazy. They were shrouded from view in Emma’s nook, their soundtrack of birds, bugs, and rushing of nearby water was a background they didn’t pay any mind to. Killian’s lips were always so obedient. Like he could lounge beneath Emma for days, and she’d take advantage of that as long as he was willing to give. Emma twined her fingers in his hair and pulled a little bit, teasingly. The accompanying groan was equal parts pleasure and annoyance, which made Emma laugh.

_This is nice._

.oOo.

The ball to officially welcome the Arendelle royal family had become more of Killian and Emma’s introduction to royal society. Heads of all the nearby kingdoms hastened to make their way to the Charming part of the Enchanted Forest. Killian seemed surprisingly unperturbed by the news.

“Why should I be?” He asked. “I’m more concerned about falling over myself because of that dress,” Killian admitted. He eyed Emma up and down more than once. Her blonde hair, as always, was impressively put up in an intricate braid. Emma wore a bright red dress, ensuring she would be the centre of attention. It dipped low in the front, its long sleeves bearing false modesty. The reverse dipped scandalously low, exposing no less than two-thirds of her back. Killian looked as though he was prepared to remove the hand of anyone who dared press their fingertips too far below her shoulder blades.

Not that he was to blend in. Quite the opposite, as someone scrupulously worked seventy hours straight to make a black-and-red ensemble to complement Emma’s. His dress shirt, waistcoat, and pants were solid black. The base of his greatcoat was also black, but sewn into it was an intricate pattern of red swans. Emma’s jaw dropped open at the sight of it, because the gaps between the swans formed black lightning bolts.

_It’s the most exquisite piece I’ve ever seen. I was proud to have Killian on my arm before, and he’s so much more than window dressing, but damn, it’s a nice-looking coat._

Then,

_Swans!_

They had met at the top of the staircase and began to descend.

“You look lovely, Swan,” Killian smiled. Emma blushed and replied,

“As do you, Captain.”

“Aye, I believe my entire crew is here, if you can believe it! Wonder who dressed that poor lot,” Killian joked. Emma laughed.

_Your friends, my friends, all fun. My parents’ friends? Not so much._

“There isn’t a lot of time, but you remember all the dances, yes?”

“Of course, love.”       

“Right. You’ve already met Mulan, Elsa, Ana, and Kristoff. I’ll introduce you to Aurora, Philip, Katherine, Frederick, and Merida. Also, my mom’s friend Red is coming and she’ll want to meet you.”

“Emma?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to be just fine. This isn’t the hard part,” Killian admitted. Emma nodded. Though both of them wore sleeves, the only marking that linked them was Emma’s flower tattoo. All others had been washed—or magically burned—away. When the ballroom doors opened, Emma felt more at peace and at home than ever before. Like Killian was a piece of her life that was always missing and finally found its way home.

A disembodied voice announced,

“Presenting Prince Killian Jones and,” He beamed, then. Emma could feel the smile on her own face. Looking at him, she tried to contain it but her face wouldn’t settle for less than a genuine, big smile. “Her Royal Highness, Princess Emma Swan.”

As they stepped through the doors and into the crowds of clapping and “aaaw”ing admirers, Killian jokingly whispered,

“Try not to lose me amongst all these other wealthy bastards, love.”

“Don’t worry, Killian. I will always find you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with me through this journey! It's been fun switching the relationship dynamic, and playing around with the canon world of the EF. As always, comments and criticism are most welcome!!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and criticism are always welcome.


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